The Mystery of Madame X

Hello Gentlemen –

Well, it’s that time again in Boston. Back to school time. Enjoy the horrendous traffic while all the students drive back in from all over the country, figure out what streets their parking passes are for, and inevitably discover that Storrow drive is *seriously* not made for moving trucks.

I’m also going back for the semester, so things might get a bit quiet around here. It’s come time in my academic career to finally slay some required math dragons, and so I’ve got to concentrate…

Of course, you’re always welcome to call me up for a study break! I know that I’ll definitely need it! Nothing gets me to understand physics theories like experimenting with the physical 🙂

Here’s a quick study guide for you – these are actual math terms, with actual useful applications besides getting a giggle out of the hot geeky chick in the lab.

Cox-Zucker machine. What sounds like a high-tech device for oral sex is actually an algorithm used in the study of certain curves, including those that arise in cryptography. The story goes that David A. Cox co-authored a paper with fellow mathematician Steven Zucker, just so that the dirty-sounding term would enter the lexicon.

Fuzzy set. An ordinary set is like a club — you’re in or you’re out. With a fuzzy set, membership is a bit uncertain. Something can be both partially inside the set and partially outside. Fuzzy sets can be useful in biology and engineering in situations in which information is incomplete or imprecise.

Hairy ball theorem. This theorem is about how vectors can be arrayed on the surface of a sphere. Imagine a sphere covered with fur — with each strand of hair representing a vector. According to the hairy ball theorem, it’s impossible to comb the hair without creating a cowlick somewhere on the sphere.

LaTeX. Not for rubber fetishists. LaTeX is actually an offshoot of TeX (pronounced “tech,” a reference to technical typing), a popular computer package for typesetting mathematical terms and equations. LaTeX, which is considered more user-friendly than TeX, was named for its developer, American computer scientist Leslie Lamport, 73.

Tits alternative. No, it’s not about alternatives to breasts. The Tits alternative is a theorem discovered by French mathematician Jacques Tits, 83. It states that a certain class of mathematical groups has either one type of internal structure or another — that’s the alternative. Group theory has proven helpful in the study of everything from particle physics to Rubik’s cubes as well as mathematical equations.

Wiener measure. Size matters in math too. But the Wiener measure, named after American mathematician Norbert Wiener, who died in 1964, is an indication of how likely it is for a continuous function (think of a graph showing daily fluctuations in stock prices) to lie within certain limits.

Oh by the way, that’s not photoshop… it’s a real library. You’d be surprised how deserted those places are, what with the internet nowadays and everything 😉

Hello Gentlemen –

Spring is in the air, for sure! Hope your weekend was as great as mine 🙂 I came back in from the city on Thursday night, where I was unfortunately unable to hook up with my continual Dominican hook-up partner, but I *was* finally able to put my shiny, skin tight, silver jumpsuit to good use all the same. Good times! I’ll be back in the city at some point in June, but I’m not sure when… maybe you can help me make up my mind? Get in touch with your suggestions, and maybe we can arrange to get in touch in person.

I’ll be back in Boston around the 1st for a few things, and in Hartford on the 21st and 22nd as well… Aside from that, my travels are pretty minimal at the current moment, as I’m trying to keep enough leisure time for myself to make use of the beauty that is Western Mass in the summer 🙂 Looking ahead into the fall however, I’ll be doing my best to arrange for some more time in Chicago – usually business dictates my travels, but so far this trip looks like it will be purely for pleasure. I’m excited to go… and hopefully I can get you excited as well! There’s plenty of time for you to place yourself on my itinerary.

While I’m wonderfully happy to be a woman (or else what would I do with the Trigasm?), I do field quite a few questions from you men on a subject that I find somewhat foreign – penis size. If I were a guy, I probably would probably stay up many a night wondering if I measured up… but as a woman, I’d be thrilled if you can keep it up all night! Sorry if that answers *none* of your questions, but it’s the honest truth as far as I’m concerned – size really doesn’t matter as much as you think. When I consider what I’m going to do with a man and his erotic appendage, the devil is in the details… curvature is just as important as length and girth. If it curves up, I’m ready to jump on it for a little cowgirl action. Does it curve down? I’ll enthusiastically suggest some doggy style. And if I’m lucky enough to find a man with excellent muscle control (stand in front of a mirror and try flexing whatever muscles control that thing until you can get it to spin in circles – watch Borat for a rather exaggerated and disturbing demonstration of what I’m talking about, lol), then such a man may also be lucky enough to find me with my ankles behind his neck while I cry out for God and pretend to be a missionary 🙂

So, while I enjoy a challenge and won’t back down from Cockzilla, function is really more important than form in my… book? What I’m trying to say is that satisfying sex can be delivered by any sized schlong. But if you’re one of those guys that really can’t stand open ended answers, let’s see what some statisticians say on the subject –

Even though this is clearly the *authentic* penis size preference chart, I have no idea who they asked to gather these numbers. I’m not questioning their scientific methods really, but I think that more insight could be derived from the study if we were to examine more about the women questioned. I’ve got a strap on harness that accommodates a wide array of dildos, and would be happy to do further research 🙂

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen –

I know, I wait far too long in between blog updates, lol. Well, take a number – apparently I’ve been letting a lot of stuff slide around here! I noticed today that my dog’s getting a little more chubby than usual, indicating that we need to do more hiking. This fall’s been a little busier than I anticipated, not that that’s ever a bad thing. After all, I have all winter to sleep it off 🙂

However, I unexpectedly had the day off today, and it’s not really hiking weather unfortunately 🙁 And, since I didn’t *know* my day was clear until a little while ago, I have no plans to except to enjoy the pleasure of my own company and make sure that my life is all in order and on the right track. Usually under these circumstances that translates into pleasuring myself with some of my favorite toys, and then going shopping for new ones 🙂

As if by divine providence, one of my friends sent me a link to a spectacular sale going on at the condom man store – 100 condoms for just under $20. While I am normally a sucker for buy-in-bulk deals, I’m also a bit leery of expiration dates… especially in sensitive matters such as these. Not one to let such a good deal get by me, I figured I’d do a quick search to see what fun I could have with these little buggers – other than the obvious, of course! So far, the findings have been quite hilarious.

Once the weather clears up and I’m finally able to get in some outdoor excursions, perhaps I should through a few in to my emergency kit just in case I get stranded somewhere overnight and need to keep warm?

I’m an avid gardener (or at least I love pretending), so this one seems right up my… alley? Anyway, I’ve finally found a houseplant that won’t die while I’m away on vacation! And it’s a great conversation piece as well –

I also cook! And Coke was on sale a few weeks ago – my pantry is full of it. I don’t really drink it, but I do boil it down to make BBQ sauce! But now, with 100 condoms, I have yet another use for it 🙂

If I can find a similar such deal on Magnums, then perhaps I can finally make a few hair ties that won’t break on me! Apparently, a few factories in China have been using such a technique for making hair elastics for a while, and the American consumer audience was none the wiser –
Worst of all, closer inspection showed that some of these raw materials were actually *recycled*!

And while we’re on the subject of international imports, these ultra-authentic condoms are on sale in Japan, so *everyone* can enjoy having a big black dick, lol.
Piece!

~Mme X~