The Mystery of Madame X

Hello Gentlemen!

I know, I know… I really should have gotten around to putting up some new posts already this year, but I’m sure you can relate to the fact that stuff is going on. Lots of stuff! Not sure where to begin, really…

Uh, how were your holidays? Mine went very well, thanks for asking. And New Year’s? Amazing as well, very much enjoyed it. I came back to a couple of exciting developments at the day job(s), which pretty much had me running non-stop all January until literally *right* now. Whew! Fun times all around though, and I do it all again in a heartbeat… just give me a minute to catch my breath first!

I had a number of plans to up my travel time during the New Year, and figured I would kick it off with a trip to Philly. I’m sure I’m missing out on some fantastic times there, but between the fact that things were simply so hectic here, and the fact that because of all the goings-on I couldn’t find the time to reach out and tell anyone that I was going to be there (but a big thank you to those that noticed), I decided there wouldn’t be much harm done if I just called it off and took the extra few days to lounge around in my fluffy bathrobe and see what my local boys have been up to lately 🙂 I’m still here, and still in my bathrobe (which is as dressed as I ever get in my own home), so please do give me a call so that we can catch up!

In year-end reflection, I realized that I don’t really “tour” like a lot of ladies do. I really don’t do much like other ladies do, which leads to a lot of frustration when guys ass/u/me that I’m just like the rest… a pattern that seems to be growing lately since they started letting idiots get on the internet. Anyway, I don’t really tour in the traditional sense. I travel for work or to visit friends, and if I have time I will take time out to relax with a date or two during my stay. I don’t really put too much emphasis on advertising in the traditional sense, both because I hate ads and I keep such a “low volume” (god I hate that term) that there’s not really much point in it besides reminding the other ladies that I still exist. This area of my life has never really been allowed to take center stage – Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy you men immensely, but *individually*, not as a mass conglomerate. I love what I do here, but I’m more into the individual connection and the resulting intimacy than I am into the dynamics of the scene as a whole. I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that my attitude is rare, but you men keep telling me that it is… I’m not call you a liar, but I don’t believe you. If I’m good, then it’s only because you bring out the best in me 🙂

Still, after hearing so much about this “touring” thing from much more thoroughly branded girls than I, I decided that 2013 was my chance to give it a try. Apparently it’s not… but I definitely won’t just be sitting still, as the day job has several places they’d like to send me, and they’d especially like me to fit Jackson Missippi into my schedule (how subtle, right?), and I figure I should get a jump on that before it gets hot as Hell down there (I couldn’t resist). I might take a few days beforehand to spend some more time in New Orleans and indulge in a little deviance and debauchery – or maybe a lot, to make the trip worth it! Indianapolis is on my radar as well, but I’m waiting for that one to warm up… Stay tuned for those dates, though you of course know how to light a fire under my hot ass 🙂 Please do get in touch, as I’m sure I’ll be looking for company in both cities…

I’m also needed in Long Island asap, which according to Boston (who would like to see me move into my office), is going to be the first week of March. I’m actually excited, as I have some friends down there that I haven’t seen in quite a while, and I actually might be bringing a friend with me. Hopefully I’ll have enough time to squeeze in another post with more details between here and there… but if you just can’t control you’re curiosity, just ask and I will gladly answer 🙂

Where else? I did court some contracts in Philly because I figured I’d be in town (and I’m a workaholic), so I still do have to head out that way at some point. Sure, I’ve got Skype, but since I have to put on clothes for that (I tried the “neck up” camera thing for a while, and I kept getting called on it, so no more naked video conferences) I figure I might as well just fly out there.

Someone actually asked me the other day if I “toured” Brattleboro VT. Times are a changing, eh? Just to make it clear once again, New England is my local area. I never understand girls who post that they’re in one city one day, then post that they’ll be two town over the next day… I can’t tell who’s lazier, the girl who wouldn’t bother venturing a safe distance from home before publicly advertising, or the men who will see her in Waltham, but not in Lexington. For the record, I have a rather nice, comfortable car, and don’t mind driving short distances to meet you.

That reminds me, I do have some local travel to post on the calendar as well. I’ll be in Providence tomorrow, Boston on Sunday, Portsmouth on Monday, Manchester on Tuesday, and Boston again on Wednesday. All in my local area, as far as I’m concerned 🙂

Well, I feel a little bit of the tension I built up over January fading away a little bit… now off to a hot bath and my waterproof rabbit to melt away the rest. But first, enjoy this!

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”

“Nope. Not a clue,” she replied.

“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!”

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.”

Oh, and some porn, of course 🙂 And what a coincidence, I just bought a nearly identical checkered outfit on my way home last night!

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Hello Gentlemen –

Spring is in the air! And you know what that means… spring cleaning! I’ve got a new vacuum cleaner, and I suppose I’m finally ready to let go of (pieces of) my collection of leather skirts, mismatched underwear, and religious-themed jewelry. I also have to go through the site and dust it off a bit, and polish a few things up. Any suggestions? I updated my age in the details section – late 20’s will cover me for a few more years, I forgot to update it with my last birthday. I’ve crossed the quarter-centennial mark, so I’ll just let you know when I’m due to celebrate the big 30, lol. I also updated my favorite ice cream flavor, but that’s obsolete already – the new reigning favorite is Pineapple Coconut. Stay tuned.

It was also time to find a new favorite chocolate shop. I absolutely adored Tom and Sally’s – one of my favorite things about Brattleboro VT was their dark chocolate lab rat shaped truffles, followed up by their mint chocolate pasties! The chocolate bodypaint was pretty good too, and it even came with a real horsehair brush. Too bad they closed, or they would definitely still be my favorite. But, times change, and so my favor now shines on Portland Maine, where Dean’s Sweets continues to blow my mind! The dark chocolate ginger truffles are really good. The tequila lime truffles are insanely good. The lemon apricot chevre truffles are surprisingly good. And they’ve got *bacon*. Who doesn’t love bacon? I don’t care if you’re Jewish, Muslim, or vegetarian, just own up to it – you love bacon 🙂

Speaking of Maine – I go there sometimes. Mostly during the summer. If that is news to you, then it sounds like someone should be checking the calendar… you’ll see me on the NH seacoast quite a bit more often though. Again, mostly in the summer. Aside from that, I haven’t really had the presence of mind to come up with many summer plans – I’m just so glad it’s here! And I’m glad I get to be here for it 🙂 And I’m glad to get to spend some of it with you 🙂

Though I’m trying to be better about it (and sometimes I’m not sure why) most of my travels usually go unannounced. It’s not that I’m avoiding you or anything, it’s just that I do a lot of things that are in no way related to this facet of my life here, and it honestly slips my mind for the most part. Unless I see you across the beach (or the mall, or the post office, or whatever), and you give me that death stare like “you’re *here*? Why didn’t you call me?” Or you are with your friends or your wife and I can almost see you start to wilt like lettuce in the hot sun… Let’s take a moment here.

As hard as it may be for some of you to believe, I am a real person! Really! I am not a rockstar, even though I pretend to be when I’m in my car singing along with the radio 🙂 I am not an elusive spectre of the night that comes out only in pursuit of pleasure, though often I wish I was. Nope, I exist 24/7/365 like the rest of you. This means that I go grocery shopping, get oil changes on my car, go to the bar with my friends, and take my dog to the park. If you’re around my local area, meaning all of New England (I was never one to sit still) I may see you at some point, and you may see me.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a life shattering experience. Unless you’ve told anyone, no one knows but us. Maybe your girlfriend if she was there. You do not need to hide, cover your face, leave the room, or adjust your tie and cough loudly. You also do not need to wave, call my name, or grab my butt (maybe if no one’s looking). You can choose to either know me or not, but really, there are no rules for who is allowed to know who in this world, so it’s not like saying hello to a woman automatically insinuates that you’ve spent some time sweating over the sheets with her. Something generic such as “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while” or “You look awfully familiar” is leaps and bounds better than leering at me like a perv from across the room, or shaking until your wife (I’d say husband, but women seem to intuitively know how to cheat, lol)  is driven to ask exactly what is suddenly the matter with you.

Generally, I will pretend not to know you. It’s nothing personal, really. I pretend not to know most people, lol. You’re busy, I’m busy, I don’t know where you’re going and you don’t know what I’m late for so maybe it’s just best to text me later and say you saw me. If you’re with someone, I’d rather not intrude, so let’s have the vice be versa, unless you also know the girl I’m with. I will not wave to you in front of your wife (or anyone), so there’s no need to worry about that. Although if you start sweating bullets and turn an autumnal shade of red with your eyes locked in my direction, you may has well have pointed me out and told her that I look much better naked. Please be discreet! Just act normal. Because really, there is nothing out of the ordinary about a short black girl running errands or going out, is there?

I’m not going to flip out if you do come over and say hi, so long as you’re respectful about it. I’ve had plenty of friends, professors, co workers, etc, so it shouldn’t be hard to figure out where you might know me from… just please don’t tell everyone I’m your girlfriend, or drug dealer. I’m neither, but I’ve been passed off as both. And don’t waste your time coming up with a seamless cover story for how we ended up having that wild one night stand in London last summer – also not smooth. I will probably flip out, depends on the occasion. I will definitely flip out if you just start following me because you can’t think of anything to say and hope you might think of something before I get to the end of the street. I don’t know what planet you think *I’m* from (planet awesome!), but some of you guys need to get the heck out of Uranus…

Of course that doesn’t actually apply to you, I was just preserving syntax 🙂 You guys are generally tactful, urbane creatures until the clothes come off. Most guys, if they make fools of themselves such the examples above, are usually cognizant enough of their error not to call me again, not that I would pick up anyway. However, sometimes it is not so easy to be a gentleman, and unpredictable situations ensue, forcing us to try our hand at experimental etiquette. Such as –

• You’re at work, knowing that you will be meeting with some consultants today, and you walk into the boardroom. There is a disinterested woman in the corner folding paper airplanes out of your agenda – Madame X. What do you do? Hmm… you could say hi. Leave it at that, and carry on with business as usual. We’ll take each other aside later and fill each other in on a possible back story. Or, we could fake meeting for the first time. I’ll follow our lead if you follow mine! This is probably the most likely scenario on the list, but it could get worse…
• You’re wife’s best friend is getting married for the 5th time, and so you’ve spiffed yourself up to accompany her once again, planning to hit the open bar for as long as it takes to make the night interesting. You’re wife’s friend’s boss’s son, who also makes a bee line for the bar, has brought a date! Enter Madame X. If it’s a situation where we’re doomed to spend the entire evening wallowing in the disjointed details of our backstory, it’s best not to have one – we’ll screw it up or step on each other at some point, and there’s too many people to refute it. Let’s meet again, shall we?
• You are at the bar, having a fun and lively time with a couple of your friends. I know how guys talk (or at least I imagine that you’re not altogether alien from women, so…) your friend is telling you about this great girl he’s been seeing. Great body, she’s a gymnast. Smoking hot round ass. Butter soft skin. nipples like hershey’s kisses. And she even makes a decent joke once in a while. He’s not telling you anything you don’t know already, because he’s talking about Madame X. What to do? You are on your own there, my friend. Far be it from me to tell a man how to treat his fellow man. Chances are he’s in on the same secret as you are, but it’s your call.
• Your son/daughter is quite the social butterfly, but that’s only to be expected. S/he has decided to make use of your beach house, and invite some friends up for the weekend. You decide that you could use a break as well, so you’ll spend the day up there, then leave them to get their respectful and non-housewrecking party on for the night. As the friends start showing up… so does Madame X. It is time to either come up with the most G rated cover story you can muster, or just get the hell out of dodge. I wouldn’t hold it against you either way. Unless you happen to have a daughter (and I can feel you cringing now so I’ll just put you at ease and say that this is not a true story) who is also involved in this lifestyle, there is very very little chance that they will be any the wiser this time around – the only friends I have that know about my presence here are my college friends that are also doing this, and none of us mention any names even to each other, unless of course it’s an official introduction.
• And the flipside – your friend tells you to swing by to pick up some speakers. Huge bass bombers with rubber cones, how could you say no? You sail down the driveway and pull up behind the garage, where you see a very familiar looking car. Your friend invites you in, apologizing for the fact that his daughter also decided to stop in for a bit. Inside is Madame X. For the love of Crust, you have never seen me before in your life!

By comparison, finding yourself standing behind me in line at the bank doesn’t seem like such a big deal, does it? I didn’t think so 🙂 Til we meet again!

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen –

Hope you all enjoyed your Easter! Even if you don’t believe in Zombie Christ (I’m Catholic, so yes I proudly worship the undead messiah, thank you very much), it was still a beautiful day to be enjoyed by all And glad to say that it just keeps getting better! I stopped by one of my favorite place to get lost today, and spent a good part of the afternoon being relieved that spring rain is at least 15x warmer than fall rain, which means I can now enjoy a walk regardless of precipitation. Besides, if the rain gets really heavy out there, there’s a silent movie theater to run to. A great way to wait out any storm! That’s my second favorite movie theater to go to, after the skinema in Hartford.

I love to go get lost… nowhere is a wonderful place to be, and I enjoy having no one around to prevent me from feeling the freedom of anonymity. Of course, it’s possible to still explore a different version of that same circumstance while running through megatropolis – such as NY. Only once, in all my thousands of trips down to the subway have I ever actually run into someone I knew (subway musicians don’t count!) and I’m told even that is quite the anomaly! And btw, I’ll be back in the city the week after next (4/18 – 4/20), looking forward to running through streets full of strangers… and maybe tracking down a few of my favorite friends as well I missed going to the Met last time – instead, I chose to oggle naked modern art.

Speaking of naked modern art! I know it’s incredibly impolite to kiss and tell, but a girl can’t be a lady all the time… and so I have to tell you gentlemen (who I know would *never* submit to such an uncouth urge as to tell everyone on the internet what you did with whom) at least a little bit about the torrid tryst that I shared with my hot Dominican girl She’s not my girlfriend, she’s barely even a friend these days as our work schedules seem to conspire to keep us in separate cities – I hadn’t seen her for nearly a year! Luckily, I have a fetish for sleeping with strangers, lol. I didn’t waste a minute thinking about the time gone by, and apparently neither did she.

One thing I love about her is that she is incredibly kinky, and fortunately we have quite a few kinks in common. Of course, her wild spontaneous attitude helped to win me over as well, never mind her fantastic ass! I had waited patiently in the city most of the week  until she returned from a business trip to another city, and on Friday night I finally got her call. She asked me if I wanted to go out to someplace nice where we could really show ourselves off – but when I pressed for details as to where she was planning for us to go and what we might do there, it became clear that she wasn’t actually intending to leave the house once I got there! I figured that left me a little bit of liberty and decided to dress for fun rather than functionality… and put on a candy bikini 🙂 I also made sure to wrap up my candy whip and take it along as well, if for no other reason besides it’s inherent deliciousness! To cover up all my naughtiness, I put on a risque-but-still-respectable dress, a pair of peeptoe pumps with heels only slightly higher than normal, and a pair of feathered fake eyelashes which took me nearly an hour to put on straight. The ridiculous things we do to impress girls, right? Once I arrived at her place though, I was so happy I put in the extra effort, as she clearly had as well – gold lipstick and a leather bustier which I soon found out was covering up some carefully applied gold nipple gloss.

We happily greeted each other, and almost immediately after our initial embrace she declared that I was stressed out from travel, and that she should relax me with a massage and warm glass… which I’ll admit *was* quite relaxing. I had had it in my head on the way up there that I was going to ask to take her out to dinner, but before I even had a chance she was already on to desert, taking cartons of green apple and blackberry sorbet out of the freezer and hot fudge syrup out of the microwave, and before I knew it we had made sundaes out of each other and eaten as much as we could 🙂 I spent most of the next day in the shower with her while we washed chocolate out of our hair (above and below, lol) but I certainly wouldn’t want to complain about that either!

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen –

Hope your fall has been going well, and hopefully just as good as mine has been so far! Really though, positive thinking is key – there’s just so many horrible things going on in the world that make my life look like a utopia by comparison… it’s unfortunate. But I love my life, and do what I can to improve the lives of others… let’s see what a few hours alone in a room with me can do for improving your outlook on life!

And, just so you know, I’m now single. Happily! Even though there are no hard feelings concerning my former attachment (or at least I hope not, I can only speak for myself?), I’m glad to be open and free without obligations, able to visit whatever strip clubs I want with no remorse – and eagerly awaiting your invitation to meet you and your lady of choice for an exciting FMF escapade 🙂 I could go on, but the feeling is best summed up by the following –

“Next to the pleasure of finding a new mistress is that of being rid of an old one.”

~ William Wycherley

I’m sure a few of you fine gentlemen understand my sentiments exactly – there’s something so nice about having no one to answer to, even if they never really questioned you to begin with. The only regret I have is that I missed a *killer* post-production party on Saturday night while having “the talk” with my now-ex. I spent all of my 14 hour shift on Monday night hearing about how awesome it was – the projectors shooting vintage horror movies against the walls, the extensive raw bar, and even the jello-wrestling match that I so would have loved to roll around for. The guy who was throwing the party is a bit more than a tiny bit into me… but I never screw around on the job, lol. I learned the Letterman lesson a *long* time ago!

Luckily though, Halloween is coming, and I’ll have my chance to party more than enough to replace what I missed this weekend. I’ll be in Manchester for most of Halloween week and weekend, and bringing a gazillion costumes with me… yeah, I get really really festive in October, and really anytime through the year that the mood strikes me 🙂 So far, I’ve got the standbys – naughty nurse, sexy schoolgirl, French maid, erections officer – and a few new ones. I just picked up a gold Boxer outfit (I got it for the gloves really) a la Million Dollar Baby, which I plan on wearing ringside to my friend’s MMA match in a week or two. I hope I don’t distract him – I’d hate for him to take a hit on my account! His girlfriend is extremely sexy as well, so I’m sure he’s used to having to force concentration on something other than hot chicks bouncing around enthusiastically and cheering for him 🙂

If by some chance *you* are in the Manchester area, and would like to have me treat you to a few of my tricks, you’re welcome to get in touch. Happy Halloween!

~Mme X~