The Mystery of Madame X

Hello Gentlemen –

Well, so glad *that’s* over with now, aren’t we? After a particularly frigid cold winter, I feel like I’m almost finished thawing out… and just in time for Spring! I can’t believe it, just two days ago freezing rain and snow were being driven out of the sky and onto the roads, and now I’m here debating whether or not to shave my dog.

And honestly, I’m kind of in shock! I don’t know about you, but this winter has completely *drained* my usually half-full glass of optimism… time for a refill 🙂

I was actually looking for a well written rendition of my favorite drink, the St Germain sidecar (it’s a chick drink, I know, but it’s damn good!) to post for someone, but since Google does not drink, he decided that this looks like the best St. Germain recipe on the internet right now –

How do you make a screaming Orgasm?
Shanna Germain

If only it was my lover asking and not these pasty-faced
bar boys with their fake IDs, and their desire
to see me blush. I tell them about raspberry liquor,
pineapple juice, the clink of ice against the glass.
But I can tell it is not what they’re looking for,
their eyes following the shift of legs, the curve of hip.

If only it was my lover asking, then I would say:
Start with an ounce of slow soft strokes.
Combine two pats of butt with a whisper
of tongue against teeth.
Add a touch of hand to the back of the neck,
a lick of earlobe, a pinch of nipple.
Stir until you reach the desired consistency.
······················································Serve hot….

Actually, I’m inclined to agree with Google at the moment, that *does* sound like it would taste great, wouldn’t it? Let me know if you’d like to try your hand at playing bartender 🙂

Taking a good look at my calendar so far, it looks like 2014 is going to be a fantastic year! The weather’s warmed up to the point where I’m able to plan to go North again, and so I’ll be in Portland ME later on this month, from the 10th to the 15th. Grace Sheperd was nice enough to show me around the Old Port last time, and so now I know where to find a fantastic $5 dozen of oysters and a fantastic Earl Grey martini, as well as the best chocolate covered bacon currently being produced on the planet. So you know where to find me…

And speaking of oysters, I’ll be headed down to Long Island later on in April, which has been pulling up a number of fantastic oyster varieties out of it’s bays for the last few years. At first I was a little leery of eating anything out of the Long Island sound (whatever, admit it), but since my favorite West Coast oysters are off limits now (they officials *say* their safe… but whatever, admit it!) I decided to try something new, and was very pleasantly surprised! My new favorite oyster, at least for the next 250 years or so while the waste from Fukishima fades away, is the Naked Cowboy out of Port Jeff 🙂 The Island Creek Oyster Farm will always hold a special piece of my heart though… as long as they keep hosting that fantastic $1 oyster shot happy hour at the Bleacher Bar during Red Sox season!

And yep, I said Red Sox season, not baseball season… I wonder how popular I’ll be in NY?

That’s not the only excitement on the calendar – I’ll also be headed to New Orleans, and on into Miami in the fall. We’ll see what else comes my way and which ways I head in the meantime! So excited for warm weather, I don’t even know where to begin. It’s still a little early, but I’m already eyeing new breeds of tomatoes to put in the yard, and making plans to survey my diving spots… this year’s going to be awesome 🙂

While I’m a big fan of New Year’s Eve parties (the perfect way to destress after all that stifling commercialized holiday nonsense), I’d be all in favor of shifting the calendar so that the first day of Spring was the start of the new year. That’s when life really begins, isn’t it?

As if it weren’t perfect enough – these photos were taken in Maine, by a photographer from NY, what are the odds? And for your further viewing pleasure… I can’t wait to meet this woman in October!

Hello Gentlemen!

Hope things have been going well for you. As always, things are just peachy over here, though very, *very* busy… all in a good way, though it occasionally gets hard to remember that when I’m looking at my bed and realizing that it’s going to be a bit longer than I’d like before I can crawl into it, and a bit sooner than I’d like before I’m going to have to get out of it again.

C’est la vie, c’est la vie – and I do love it dearly, you know. It’s just very full right now, but I’m looking forward to winding down a little toward the end of the month, and giving myself a few days of great times and good company in CT right before the end of it all… which you’d already know if you had checked the calendar 🙂

Even with that mild touch of complaining, I really don’t have a right to. I pretty much partied like a rock star all over my last trip to Maine, and fully intend on doing it again soon! Maine has the best oysters ever. No contest, hands down, high five. And they also have a great looking bar that serves the most delicious Earl Gray vodka. If you thought Absolute Boston was good (and I did) then you should go and grab yourself a drink there. And take me with you!

I was chatting over one of these delightful beverages with a friend of mine (who’s well aware of this lifestyle and we do keep it light anyway – I’m not one to kiss and tell!) when she asked, in the most tactful way mind you, how much entertaining I’ve been doing lately. A simple question. And to me, with a simple answer… but apparently not so much in her eyes.

“Well, I keep up with some guys. I’ve been seeing mostly the same people for years now… occasionally I see someone new.” I’m roughly paraphrasing myself here – she asked for a little more explanation, and I’m *sure* you’ve noticed how skillfully I can dodge a direct answer.

“Oh, so you’re a sugar baby?” Direct quote from my barstool buddy.

Eeek… well then, she certainly did say it, didn’t she? Sugar Baby.

For those of you that I’ve known over the years, you may have noticed that I keep a fairly low profile most of the time, though I really did try and make the effort by joining Twitter. I generally don’t advertise (I just dislike the word advertise really), though a few times a year you might find me mentioning myself somewhere. It’s true that I’m significantly happier deepening an existing physical connection than just casting my net wide for new dance partners, and as a result I tend to see the same men regularly for months and years. As a result of *that* several of my friends have just set up recurring dates, on a given day of the week or whatever, so that we can keep our schedules as stress free as possible. I’m a stable enough part of some people’s lives for, uh, trusting partnerships surrounding modest assets to be a realistic consideration.

However, I cringe at the label of Sugar Baby. I pretty much thumb my nose at most labels, as you probably have already noticed. I break all molds! And I am *not* a sugar baby. One of the greatest things about this lifestyle, from my perspective, is that there are no expectations, commitments, or obligations. I truly do love seeing you, but when I walk out the door after seeing you, I don’t want either of us to have any reason to see each other again aside from the sheer desire to do so.

Being a sugar baby would ruin that entirely! I don’t want to pick a bill out of mailbox, and have *that* be the reminder that you should be calling me sooner rather than later. I don’t want to call you to remind you to come back for some close contact because tuition is coming due. I definitely don’t want to become an itemized bill on your balance sheet! Please don’t do that to me.

A little while ago (and several times prior) I received an email from a suitor looking to see if I was interested in entering into a sugar-type arrangement. Yeah… doesn’t that seem like a weird question to ask someone you’ve never even met? While I’m sure people do it all the time, as indicated by the bazillion websites that advertise such a thing, I don’t. I’d never commit to seeing someone on a set schedule before knowing if I even like seeing them *once*. I’d imagine that most reasonable men feel the same way, right? If the desire for a certain type of relationship dictates the type of woman you’re looking for, that seems to me to be putting the cart before the horse, really. Let’s get together, see if it’s something we’d like to do more often, and then we can talk about what comes next!

While I do sincerely hope that you’ll call on me again, I don’t ever want to be in the position where I expect you to, or arrange my life so that I need you to. I have a very nice life with several fairly strong, vibrantly fun careers, and you gentlemen are always invited to ice the cake, as it were 🙂 You can call me baby, but I’m still not your sugar baby!

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Hello Gentlemen –

Hope you’ve all had a delightful summer so far! I have – it’s blueberry season and the bushes are *loaded* right now, totally beyond my expectations. Must be some lazy birds this year, usually I have to search to get just a few handfuls of berries. My dog doesn’t understand what the big deal is about blueberries (and really doesn’t see why I would hike a whole mountain to go get some, when the grocery store is just around the corner), but she got pretty enthusiastic about the ginger ice cream / blueberry syrup sundae I fed her last week at the beach 🙂 I love beach season, and definitely see myself hanging around Portsmouth pretty regularly for the rest of the summer… please do get in touch if you’re in the area.

As far as other areas, you boys know that I’m pretty much exclusive to New England during the summer months, unless work or some other irresistible temptation lures me away. So far, my summer is safe and stashed away for my local boys, aside from a quick couple of days in the city at the end of the month 🙂 Just before that, I’ll be hanging around playing at the casinos with my deliciously deviant friend Grace Shepard (you may have met her – if not, you want to! I’d be happy to introduce you). After that, I foresee a few fleeting engagements in CT, and I would be shocked if Maine didn’t creep back onto the agenda at least a few more times… don’t you have a casino up there now, too?

After that, though, it’s going to be a different story. This fall you’ll find me in Vegas, California, and (I can’t wait!) New Mexico! Probably a few more places as well, and of course suggestions are welcome… but fret not, Boston boys, I will find my way back to your arms… I’ve got a few degrees I have to finish 🙂

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Hello Gentlemen –

Spring is in the air! And you know what that means… spring cleaning! I’ve got a new vacuum cleaner, and I suppose I’m finally ready to let go of (pieces of) my collection of leather skirts, mismatched underwear, and religious-themed jewelry. I also have to go through the site and dust it off a bit, and polish a few things up. Any suggestions? I updated my age in the details section – late 20’s will cover me for a few more years, I forgot to update it with my last birthday. I’ve crossed the quarter-centennial mark, so I’ll just let you know when I’m due to celebrate the big 30, lol. I also updated my favorite ice cream flavor, but that’s obsolete already – the new reigning favorite is Pineapple Coconut. Stay tuned.

It was also time to find a new favorite chocolate shop. I absolutely adored Tom and Sally’s – one of my favorite things about Brattleboro VT was their dark chocolate lab rat shaped truffles, followed up by their mint chocolate pasties! The chocolate bodypaint was pretty good too, and it even came with a real horsehair brush. Too bad they closed, or they would definitely still be my favorite. But, times change, and so my favor now shines on Portland Maine, where Dean’s Sweets continues to blow my mind! The dark chocolate ginger truffles are really good. The tequila lime truffles are insanely good. The lemon apricot chevre truffles are surprisingly good. And they’ve got *bacon*. Who doesn’t love bacon? I don’t care if you’re Jewish, Muslim, or vegetarian, just own up to it – you love bacon 🙂

Speaking of Maine – I go there sometimes. Mostly during the summer. If that is news to you, then it sounds like someone should be checking the calendar… you’ll see me on the NH seacoast quite a bit more often though. Again, mostly in the summer. Aside from that, I haven’t really had the presence of mind to come up with many summer plans – I’m just so glad it’s here! And I’m glad I get to be here for it 🙂 And I’m glad to get to spend some of it with you 🙂

Though I’m trying to be better about it (and sometimes I’m not sure why) most of my travels usually go unannounced. It’s not that I’m avoiding you or anything, it’s just that I do a lot of things that are in no way related to this facet of my life here, and it honestly slips my mind for the most part. Unless I see you across the beach (or the mall, or the post office, or whatever), and you give me that death stare like “you’re *here*? Why didn’t you call me?” Or you are with your friends or your wife and I can almost see you start to wilt like lettuce in the hot sun… Let’s take a moment here.

As hard as it may be for some of you to believe, I am a real person! Really! I am not a rockstar, even though I pretend to be when I’m in my car singing along with the radio 🙂 I am not an elusive spectre of the night that comes out only in pursuit of pleasure, though often I wish I was. Nope, I exist 24/7/365 like the rest of you. This means that I go grocery shopping, get oil changes on my car, go to the bar with my friends, and take my dog to the park. If you’re around my local area, meaning all of New England (I was never one to sit still) I may see you at some point, and you may see me.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a life shattering experience. Unless you’ve told anyone, no one knows but us. Maybe your girlfriend if she was there. You do not need to hide, cover your face, leave the room, or adjust your tie and cough loudly. You also do not need to wave, call my name, or grab my butt (maybe if no one’s looking). You can choose to either know me or not, but really, there are no rules for who is allowed to know who in this world, so it’s not like saying hello to a woman automatically insinuates that you’ve spent some time sweating over the sheets with her. Something generic such as “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while” or “You look awfully familiar” is leaps and bounds better than leering at me like a perv from across the room, or shaking until your wife (I’d say husband, but women seem to intuitively know how to cheat, lol)  is driven to ask exactly what is suddenly the matter with you.

Generally, I will pretend not to know you. It’s nothing personal, really. I pretend not to know most people, lol. You’re busy, I’m busy, I don’t know where you’re going and you don’t know what I’m late for so maybe it’s just best to text me later and say you saw me. If you’re with someone, I’d rather not intrude, so let’s have the vice be versa, unless you also know the girl I’m with. I will not wave to you in front of your wife (or anyone), so there’s no need to worry about that. Although if you start sweating bullets and turn an autumnal shade of red with your eyes locked in my direction, you may has well have pointed me out and told her that I look much better naked. Please be discreet! Just act normal. Because really, there is nothing out of the ordinary about a short black girl running errands or going out, is there?

I’m not going to flip out if you do come over and say hi, so long as you’re respectful about it. I’ve had plenty of friends, professors, co workers, etc, so it shouldn’t be hard to figure out where you might know me from… just please don’t tell everyone I’m your girlfriend, or drug dealer. I’m neither, but I’ve been passed off as both. And don’t waste your time coming up with a seamless cover story for how we ended up having that wild one night stand in London last summer – also not smooth. I will probably flip out, depends on the occasion. I will definitely flip out if you just start following me because you can’t think of anything to say and hope you might think of something before I get to the end of the street. I don’t know what planet you think *I’m* from (planet awesome!), but some of you guys need to get the heck out of Uranus…

Of course that doesn’t actually apply to you, I was just preserving syntax 🙂 You guys are generally tactful, urbane creatures until the clothes come off. Most guys, if they make fools of themselves such the examples above, are usually cognizant enough of their error not to call me again, not that I would pick up anyway. However, sometimes it is not so easy to be a gentleman, and unpredictable situations ensue, forcing us to try our hand at experimental etiquette. Such as –

• You’re at work, knowing that you will be meeting with some consultants today, and you walk into the boardroom. There is a disinterested woman in the corner folding paper airplanes out of your agenda – Madame X. What do you do? Hmm… you could say hi. Leave it at that, and carry on with business as usual. We’ll take each other aside later and fill each other in on a possible back story. Or, we could fake meeting for the first time. I’ll follow our lead if you follow mine! This is probably the most likely scenario on the list, but it could get worse…
• You’re wife’s best friend is getting married for the 5th time, and so you’ve spiffed yourself up to accompany her once again, planning to hit the open bar for as long as it takes to make the night interesting. You’re wife’s friend’s boss’s son, who also makes a bee line for the bar, has brought a date! Enter Madame X. If it’s a situation where we’re doomed to spend the entire evening wallowing in the disjointed details of our backstory, it’s best not to have one – we’ll screw it up or step on each other at some point, and there’s too many people to refute it. Let’s meet again, shall we?
• You are at the bar, having a fun and lively time with a couple of your friends. I know how guys talk (or at least I imagine that you’re not altogether alien from women, so…) your friend is telling you about this great girl he’s been seeing. Great body, she’s a gymnast. Smoking hot round ass. Butter soft skin. nipples like hershey’s kisses. And she even makes a decent joke once in a while. He’s not telling you anything you don’t know already, because he’s talking about Madame X. What to do? You are on your own there, my friend. Far be it from me to tell a man how to treat his fellow man. Chances are he’s in on the same secret as you are, but it’s your call.
• Your son/daughter is quite the social butterfly, but that’s only to be expected. S/he has decided to make use of your beach house, and invite some friends up for the weekend. You decide that you could use a break as well, so you’ll spend the day up there, then leave them to get their respectful and non-housewrecking party on for the night. As the friends start showing up… so does Madame X. It is time to either come up with the most G rated cover story you can muster, or just get the hell out of dodge. I wouldn’t hold it against you either way. Unless you happen to have a daughter (and I can feel you cringing now so I’ll just put you at ease and say that this is not a true story) who is also involved in this lifestyle, there is very very little chance that they will be any the wiser this time around – the only friends I have that know about my presence here are my college friends that are also doing this, and none of us mention any names even to each other, unless of course it’s an official introduction.
• And the flipside – your friend tells you to swing by to pick up some speakers. Huge bass bombers with rubber cones, how could you say no? You sail down the driveway and pull up behind the garage, where you see a very familiar looking car. Your friend invites you in, apologizing for the fact that his daughter also decided to stop in for a bit. Inside is Madame X. For the love of Crust, you have never seen me before in your life!

By comparison, finding yourself standing behind me in line at the bank doesn’t seem like such a big deal, does it? I didn’t think so 🙂 Til we meet again!

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen!

I had the pleasure of staying tucked inside for most of yesterday evening, watching the first snow fall of the year in Boston, and being glad that I could hang out in my favorite hotel rather than worrying about driving home! But the snow is pretty when it’s fresh, isn’t it? Hopefully it will melt before it gets all gray and gritty… but I enjoyed it in the meantime.

*Now* it feels like Christmas! I get a bit nervous about having to navigate through huge crowds of people, and worse yet, parking lots filled with huge crowds of people in cars, so I planned a bit ahead and did most of my stuff online this year. Still, there’s a few difficult people on my list that I know deserve *something*, even though I have no idea what. Engineers and doctors are very difficult to buy for, I’ve found. As soon as they want something, they go out and get it themselves! That speaks of great problem solving abilities and expertly satisfies the efficiency criteria to be sure, but leaves me with no idea what to get… unless I want it to be given back to me as soon as they realize that they have no way to use it / no place to put it. Gift certificates are no good either – they will inevitably squirrel them away for a time when they can be put to the absolute *best* use. Only engineers believe that there is such a thing as a truly optimal circumstance (perfection is still a possibility, even though the odds are all but impossibly stacked against it)… in the natural sciences we set up perfect situations, and then proceed to criticize them endlessly by measuring the exact amount of ruin and havoc created by each and any combination of real-world influences that such a perfect situation may possibly come in contact with, now or at any point in the future. Which is why gift receipts are essential for doctors, psychologists, biologists and the like – the gift will inevitably be returned or exchanged for something of a different color, something that better matches the new chair they are going to buy with their spouse’s gift card.

Not to rank on my imagineer buddies out there 🙂 I’m just hitting the “heartbreak hill” of my holiday preparations. I got all the easy stuff done already! I went out to the Bizarre Bazaar earlier this afternoon, and bought my friends decorative toilet seats 🙂 Except for my incredibly feminist friend, I bought her a vintage oilcloth apron with matching dishrags and oven mitt. I can’t wait to see her face when she opens the box!

Along the way, I’ve found quite a few things that I wouldn’t mind getting myself… I’m not really one for jewelry (as I already have a few nice pieces and appreciate them dearly 🙂 ) but in my quest for the perfect erotic accessories I recently discovered the work of Sylvie Monthule. I’m speechless to say the least! I think that the Nectar de Jouissance is *exactly* what I want for Christmas. It’s certainly eye catching, but discrete enough to wear out during the day – underneath other, more conservative clothing of course. And gentle enough that I can walk around without causing a screaming orgasmic scene, and enjoy just enough stimulation to keep a *big* smile on my face all day long 🙂 But, I’d like it in blue, as I want it to match my good set of tableware (and yes, I’m usually naked at my table, but rarely when there’s occasion to break out the good china – unless you want to come by and watch me play Naked Chef?). Of course, I could exchange it, lol.

Aside from just getting ready for the 25th, I’ve got one other excursion planned for December – I’ll be headed up to Bangor next weekend, on the 11th and 12th. I have a few things to do in the area during the day, but I’ll be pretty much left to my own devices for the evening… probably vibrating devices. Unless you’d like to come by stuff my stocking for me?

~Mme X~

Hello Gentlemen –

Hope your weekend went well, mine definitely did 🙂 This week however, is suddenly going *much* differently than I had planned! It’s not overly positive or negative, really. On the up side, my day job is going well and treating me excellently, but on the down side… I won’t be in DC this week. I’m pretty disappointed by that, and I’m sure I’m not the only one? Next time, I’ll make it up to you for sure!

Instead, I’ll be in Boston on Tuesday, and will probably stay until Thursday at least. It’s a business thing, so while I’m always happy to meet you at the place of your choosing, I won’t be able to invite you over, as I’ll have colleagues annoyingly underfoot. Of course, everyone I work with knows that I’m a grown woman and entitled to make my own decisions, but I really don’t think that banging the bed against my boss’s wall is good professional conduct 🙂 If you would prefer to wait for an invitation rather than invite me out, there’s hope for you – I had actually planned to spend a few days in town with my girlfriend *next* week, as we have a social engagement to attend, and dresses to buy for such an occasion. We’ll probably pick up matching panties as well… but you’ll have to catch us after the party to find out what they look like! She’s got to run off for the weekend, but we should be in town together from the 6th – 9th. Anyway, I’ll be updating the calendar in a minute or two (and if you’re reading this, then it’s most likely done already), so you can find out exactly what my Boston itinerary is. Of course, if you see a day you’d like in between my trips, you’re always welcome to get in touch to fill in my gap!

I’m also looking to get back to Maine, things went well last time, both work and pleasure 🙂 You’ll see me again up there soon! Portland definitely, and perhaps Bangor as well.

One of my old friends recently asked me if I still smoke (cigarettes, lol), and of course my knee-jerk reaction is to say no, and that I quit when I left school. It’s true, I no longer smoke habitually now that I have a better job that doesn’t make me want to use nicotine as an excuse to get out of my office for a few minutes (It’s interesting that one can crave smoke and fresh air at the same time, lol). But to say the I *never* smoke, that would be a lie. After a few drinks out with friends, a cigarette can be pretty neat – although I usually get bored of it and put it out before the end, depending on my level of intoxication. And after sex? I’m sure even those who *never* smoke can understand the satisfaction of the post-coital cigarette.

Still, I enjoy smoking as an art (and I enjoy the art in most things – I’m needlessly appreciative of many mundane aspects of life, lol) and will indulge occasionally. I have a collection of cigarette holders of varying lengths, antique lighters from the 20’s and 40’s, and cigarette cases galore. The imagery of smoking appeals to me, probably a result of spending way to much time watching old film-noir movies where femmes-fatale wrap their richly colored lips around long thin cigarette holders and bat their mascara-laden eyelashes, shadowed by clouds of smoke. Smoking is a habit of pure decadence, just like all the pearls, furs and opera length suede gloves (I have so many pairs of opera gloves, and I don’t even like opera) that are always so popular in cinematic smoking scenes. And as long as you can keep your mind off of the long term health impact of inhaling smoke, it can be pretty hot to watch a woman with a cigarette – actually, it’s pretty hot to watch most women do *anything* with their mouths, really. But women can smoke in public!

I have a couple guy friends that smoke, and one in particular… while all of my guy friends are really only friends (I’m a wikid tomboy, but I hope most of you can agree that I clean up pretty well?) I do have one that I wonder about sometimes… only when he smokes though. He blows quite the array of smoke rings! Circles, squares, blowing circles *through* squares – it’s pretty impressive. It gets my mind wandering off down dangerously naughty paths – that must be an amazing tongue he’s hiding in that mouth! And he does have a gorgeous smile as well 🙂 But then he’ll stub out his cigarette and probably scratch his balls or something equally as unsexy, and ask me whether or not I have plans for Saturday as he could use a hand pulling the engine out of his truck or bathing his herd of dogs, and my mind snaps right back to where it should be, lol.

Really though, I’ve only got my mind on this topic because I was watching this video… I’m sure you can understand. Normally I’m not one for large and/or fake boobs, but these look rather nice!

~Mme X~