The Mystery of Madame X

Hello Gentlemen –

Wow, the holidays sure did rush in on us, didn’t they? I almost forgot to buy my turkey… and since my dog didn’t bring any in this year (she’s doing much better, thank you to everyone who asked. Up and running, but not very long distances yet), I had to go to the store. And yes, to anyone that asks, I make an *amazing* bird! I just finished putting it in the pot to brine with a couple of oranges and a cup of honey, and have gotten a few pounds of bacon to slide under the skin. Bacon makes everything better 🙂 Especially if you’re a vegetarian!

It’s common knowledge at this point that food is the way to a man’s heart, but I have my suspicions that if science ever does find a way to a woman’s heart, food will somehow be implicated in that as well 🙂 Maybe moreso for some than for others, and maybe even more for me – I’ve been known to enjoy a human sundae on occasion, and I’ve got quite the sexual appetite. I scream for ice cream! I actually just scooped myself a ball of scotch bonnet ice cream, which plays a surprisingly fun game of hot and cold in my mouth. It would probably do the same to you. We should try that…

I’m not really a true believer in aphrodisiacs, but it seems my personal taste compels me to stock my fridge with chock full of all those goodies that supposedly drive a girl wild. Figs, ginger, oysters, chocolate, honey, avocados, arugula, shrimp… I grow a big tub of basil, rosemary and sage growing by the window, as it’s just too much of a hassle to for me keep fresh herbs in the fridge. Maybe that’s my secret? Such a good secret I’ve managed to keep it from *myself* all of these years (I do pride myself on my discretion, thank you very much) – I just figured that I liked good food 🙂

I was thumbing over the the internet looking for a good frosting recipe, and I once again stumbled upon Intercourses, the lusciously beautiful aphrodisiac cookbook. I’ve given it as a gift so many times (and just ordered a copy for my friend’s housewarming party later on this month), but I’ve never actually owned the book myself. Um, I’d like to? I *really* hate to be the one to rush through holidays, but I’ll gently remind you that Christmas is coming…

Not to be too short with you all, but I’ve got things to do and lemons to zest, so I’ll leave you with a joke and a video 🙂 But before I go, I’ll remind you of something else I forgot- my new pics in the photo gallery. They’re over there now (just not before last week’s casino trip as I promised – but wll in advance of my next one in January!) so go take a look 🙂

Top Ten Things You Can Only Say at Thanksgiving

10. Talk about a huge breast!
9. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
8. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
7. That’s one terrific spread!
6. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
5. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
4. Don’t play with your meat.
3. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
2. How long will it take after you stick it in?

And the Number #1 thing you can only say on Thanksgiving….

1. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Hello Gentlemen –

Wow, my intentions to post more were definitely well meant, but poorly executed! What can I say, life has been wonderfully busy over here, with just enough time to relax to enjoy the past few sunny days. Oddly, I haven’t been to the beach yet for the year, though you can be sure that I’ll be looking to change that very shortly 🙂 By now, you should know it doesn’t take much to get me to head to the coast on a nice sunny day, or a warm summer night, so don’t be shy.

So, what’s been keeping me so busy? Just the usual – school, work, an assortment of fun adventures, and of course you wonderful gentlemen. Oh, and the world’s shortest romance ever. Okay, maybe not ever (Romeo and Juliet fell in love and died for one another over the span of a week – Italians, you know how they can get), but certainly less than epic. Just like the unending, uneventful drama of Tristan and Iseult, we eventually let it go because she just simply lived too far away and with too many ties to her local area to let anything meaningful develop over here. Obviously she could easily say the same about me. It’s a shame because she was totally a cutie, and a redhead to boot! And very good in bed as well, when I we could coordinate schedules well enough to get there. She pretty much echoed my sentiments on men (we love you guys! Who wouldn’t love interactive sex toys?) and I’m sure that you would have loved her. Unfortunately, we just didn’t get far enough into things for you to come up, so I guess now she’ll never know about all the fun times she missed out on… a tear on her behalf. You guys are awesome!

I’m not really upset that it’s over, but it is a little unsettling to realize that she was the closest thing I’ve had to an actual girlfriend in years :/ It’s much harder than you might think to find hot sexual dynamos who insatiably lust equally after cock and pussy, while deeply craving both at the same time. Even harder to find sane ones! And then the challenge of finding girls who fit the above criteria who will also put up with me (I try to be easy to deal with, but apparently I’m not quite so easy…) pretty much lowers my odds to lottery level. Please gentlemen, find me some hot, horny, bisexual women to play with. I’ve tried, but I simply can not suck my own nipples. Besides, you boys have excellent taste 🙂

While beggars can’t be choosers (I know what you’re thinking, we women always find a way to be both), I do ask you to examine the above criteria. Hot – beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I’m happy to take a look 🙂 Horny – I’ve come to the conclusion that it may very well be just me, but I’m a very sexually active woman. I’m always on the lookout for partners of either gender to help me test my limits! There’s a reason that my time table starts at 3 hours, and it’s to give *you* an opportunity to tap out. I’d like a girl to tag team with!

Bisexual – This is the big one. And unfortunately, that’s a hard one for you to gauge being that you have entirely the wrong anatomy to do so (your big, hard anatomy is much better suited for other tasks), so I can’t hold it against you. However, it is well known that one of the biggest pet peeves for a girl who loves girls is finding herself in bed with a woman who doesn’t really like women. Especially when there’s a man watching, and the straight girl in disguise is just there to impress him, and bi girl is the one that’s going to have be doing all the work to help her accomplish her goal without even getting a good lick out of it. Even worse for a lady in this lifestyle, who could easily find herself in bed with a showoff straight girl who is not even so much into men either… thankfully my luck has been better than that nearly every time.

I love really bisexual girls 🙂 And not “really bi” like on the archaic TER profiles, I mean *really* bi. Girls that love feeling boobs on their faces for hours, kissing soft girly lips, stroking thighs – and would not consider the night over without getting into the harder stuff like tribbing and fisting. Girls that would eat pussy for lunch if they weren’t afraid their coworkers would steal it out of the breakroom fridge. Extra bonus if they can’t wait to share a cock with me! Share does not mean take turns, btw. If you’ve ever had a *good* threesome (and I know without a doubt that some of you have!) then that’s not news to you.

I’ve had several “duo partners” and, sorry to say it, I’m really not much looking for another gay for pay girl… unless it’s that stunning lesbian with a financial fetish (it shouldn’t shock you that there are several women like that in this lifestyle, and so I hear they do wonderful things to a man and his money) that Brianna was nice enough to introduce me to at Lucky’s – please bring her back! I will certainly settle for duos partner in her case 🙂

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Hello Gentlemen –

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a new gallery in my photos section… the ones of me in the pink shirt and black bra… yep, those ones. Pretty neat, huh? I know, not as neat as the mud pics, but what can I do – Baby, it’s cold outside! I’m sure they would have been substantially better with a pair of cufflinks – I totally thought I had some with me, but didn’t. Please don’t take that statement as a request to present me with a pair of cufflinks for Christmas (but if you’d like to, I like these – and btw, thanks for those) as I have easily a half/dozen or so pairs rolling around in my jewelry box, ranging from the single rhinestone for more elegant occasions, all the way up to the gigantic gold dice for showing off at the casino. As the old adage goes, the more conspicuous the cufflinks, the more corrupt the man! Of course, this rule doesn’t appear to apply to ladies, so I’m free to wear whatever sized cufflinks suit me 🙂

The holidays are upon us. In between tackling the day job (where I’m decidedly on the naughty list – apparently my last vacation was ill timed, though well worth it), I’ve managed to make some headway in making my list, checking it thrice (I’m OCD like that), and getting all my naughty people nice gifts. Although last year, I was left hanging onto *someone’s* Christmas present for far too long… I was almost tempted to use it on myself 🙂 Let’s not let that happen again, shall we?

Often, and more this year more than other years, I’ve fielded a few questions from you guys about how to select gifts for women. I’m sure not all of them are for me, lol – besides, I tend to make all of my desires quite clear when I see the opportunity to fulfill them arise. Whoever the lucky woman is that you fee so inclined to spoil, I can help you out with a few pointers. I’ve put them into bullet note fashion, so that you can print them out on a set of index cards and carry your shopping tutorial out to the mall with you. Every time you feel overwhelmed or lost, you can flip through the cards until you find a statement that makes you feel more in control of the situation. Remember, practice makes perfect… which is probably why women go shopping so often.

• Don’t get her what you want, get her what she wants. While you may really, really want to get her a few pairs of crotchless panties from Frederick’s, does she want them? Seeing something in a store window and thinking about how great she will look in it means it would probably make a great gift for *you*. Buy it and hide it until Valentine’s Day. Seeing something in a store window and thinking about how much *she* will like it (even if it’s bulky wool turtleneck so thick you can’t hope to see her nipples get hard no matter how cold it gets) makes it the kind of gift you can confidently give for birthdays and Christmas. Btw, crotchless panties make great stocking stuffers.
• If she asks for something, you’d better go get it. I’d hope this is pretty self explanatory, but let’s step up from the basic, shall we? This is your chance to really show this girl how much you care. Don’t rip the romance out of it by waiting until Thanksgiving weekend and popping the big question (So, what do you want?). Myself, I prefer honest cluelessness to haphazard guessing, but I’ve known many less forgiving ladies. Instead, keep track of things that have caught her eye over the course of the year, and when the holiday season hits you can simply compare your list of her “wants” to the list of her “haves” and generously fill in her blanks. Of course, you’re not expected to remember everything – keep a small notebook handy, yet out of sight. Believe me, she will be amazed! And to think all this time she thought you weren’t listening, right?
• Start early. Time is Money. I know that advice sure won’t help you on the 15th of December, but hey, you’re right on schedule for next year! This is another reason why the notebook comes in handy – you can plan ahead, and take your shopping at a more leisurely pace, buying things for whatever occasion whenever you come across them. Nothing frustrates me more than going out to buy that copper bottomed cookware set that I planned to pick up for my friend’s holiday house party, only to find that they’ve packed it up and sent it back to the warehouse to make room on the shelves for more cheerfully cheesy Christmas mugs (interestingly, the sale of mugs *skyrockets* during the month of December, every year. Google Trends if you don’t believe me) and knowing, that if I had just taken the time to buy it when I saw it, I would have saved time, frustration, and money. So buy gifts early and often. Hide them, either in your office or your house, until the appropriate time. If she finds them, that sucks for the gift, but it’s still good for you. Think of it this way – she’ll be so guilt stricken at ruining your surprise, that she won’t want to look through your things again. The other ladies gifts will be safer 🙂 If she should happen to find, let’s just say, a slave chain comprising of nipple clamps, labia weights and an anal plug, you might be in for a great time! Or, she might hope you lose your nerve and return it… which is a handy excuse to toss out if she asks about it after you’ve given it to me! Or whoever you plan on giving such a devious contraption to 🙂
• Never bother asking which is better, look for what is best. Do your research. Generally speaking, you guys are pretty good at that, so put those talents to good use. Get the specs, read reviews, compare prices. So, she said she wanted a new blender? Easy! However, maybe it’s a little too easy. Show her that you invested time as well as money by making sure it’s the nicest, most practical, reliable blender that anyone in the open consumer market has ever made a smoothie in. She will cherish your thoughtful gift for much longer than if you just buy the most easily available mass market consumer grade appliance from a slightly-better-than-Walmart superstore. That blender will be broken and forgotten, an inconvenient piece of trash rather than a symbol of success in your role as an attentive provider. You guys have got incredible egos (admit it), so don’t waste a perfectly good opportunity to stroke it for yourself 🙂 Get a German blender. Drive the point home by bringing in some Kentucky bourbon, Jamaican rum, Tahitian vanilla, and demonstrating the superiority of your blender by dishing out a quick nog. She will love it!
• Price is not a factor. Even when it is. This really means two things, and should probably be broken into two parts, but it’s really just both sides of the same coin. Heads – There is nothing in any store (even Amazon!) that costs more than unfulfilled desire. If a price tag scares you, consider instead the price of regret. While that thought may make you want to run out and buy yourself a Porsche, also consider it from her side. An impressive gift of the sort she would never buy herself (which is really the point of a gift – an excuse to have all the things you wouldn’t buy for yourself) shows her that you think she’s worth it. Even her most frivolous wishes are worth being noted, because she’s just that great, and since you’re Mr. Awesome you understand that. If it’s unrealistically exorbitantly  expensive, she may make you return it, but don’t be fooled – she really appreciated the gesture. If she didn’t appreciate the gesture, she would return it herself and keep the money. Tails – Don’t be cheap. If you would really let a dollar amount stand between you and a genuinely joyous smile on your lady’s lips, you don’t deserve her. Keep your money, you’d probably be happier with that anyway. Besides, it’s a waste of money to get her something she *didn’t* ask for, when the thing you know she really wants is only a little more. Even if a little is a lot, you get my point. Don’t try to fake seasonal sincerity, you’re wasting a perfectly good holiday here. Which brings me to my next bullet –
• It is better to give than to receive. If that statement doesn’t sound right to you, you have not selected the right gift. If you find something and you feel truly excited, actively looking forward to the moment when she tears open the wrapping paper to reveal the surprise you’ve been dying to give her since the moment you first saw it – you’ve got the right gift! Buy it! Whatever it costs! Have them wrap it right there! Post a calendar on it so she count down the days to Christmas with you! Wow, 15 days until Christmas… it feels like an eternity, right? That’s the spirit, you’ve obviously found the perfect present. Oh wait, you got her Dick-in-the-Box again? Never mind, next bullet.
• Really, you don’t have to get anything. Your girlfriend said that, but you know she didn’t really mean it. Surprisingly, yes, she really did mean it, just not in the way that you think. She didn’t mean that it’s okay for you to pop another beer and forget all about her while she prepares to do battle with the cold and the crowds trying to pick out a gift that your mother won’t judge too harshly. It means that if you look really hard, drive two states away to find the last open Aubade retailer on Christmas Eve, only to find out that her size bra is out of stock in her favorite color and won’t arrive until after New Years – it’s ok, she will understand. It’s the thought that counts, after all. Don’t just go out and buy her *anything* because you know she’s expecting *something*. Corporate Christmas consumerism is quite consuming – it’s easy to get overwhelmed with the holiday crowds and end up desperately looking for something to buy so you can get the hell out of there.  Just take a deep breath, step outside, read these index cards, and walk back in there. If you really can’t find the right gift, some random wrapped box is not going to make everything okay. Remember, it’s much easier to keep her waiting a few weeks for the perfect present, rather than spend an entire year sheepishly apologizing for a White Elephant.

Oh yes, and Merry Christmas. Unless we’ve already spoken, or if you’re really, *really* good with your timing, I’m probably busy from here until this upcoming holiday for which there is so much fanfare. You probably are too, honestly. Enjoy your eggnog!

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen –

I saw my first set of bats today, signifying that the weather is officially on it’s way to getting better! Those leather-wing things only come out when they’re sure they can get some non-frozen food, lol… which also means bugs are coming out early this year. Speaking of, I need a new bat house! My last one didn’t survive the winter, and I’m afraid that without it carpenter bees will try to move into my porch again. They don’t sting, but they aggravate my dog… anyway, warmer weather means less clothes, which means more eye candy for you 🙂 I know it’s still a little early, but at least we have something to look forward too – longer days and shorter skirts!

In particular, I’m looking forward to my upcoming foray with NYC… for many reasons (and please do get in touch if you’d like to be one of them). One being, a I left a girl there a while back that I just recently got in contact with. She’s smart, adventurous, has the cutest smile in my known universe, and is ridiculously fun to go our with… and she’s drop dead gorgeous. Ludicrously cute, her ass is seriously unbelievable! And best of all, she’s fantastic in bed. We used to get together when I was in the habit of frequenting the city on business (and yes, I once again broke the cardinal rule of not dipping one’s pen in the company ink… even though I have no such proverbial pen, but whatever) but of course, little non-committal me let her get away. She kept saying she’d see me when she came up to Boston, but the few times she was up this way I wasn’t, and eventually I suppose we got tired of chasing each other around.

I used some of my down time this week to track her down and schedule a conversation (we’re both equally busy, and this wasn’t *her* week off, so I hope the fact that she made time for me is a good sign?), and she’s just as charming as ever. She invited me to come over to her place at some point during my stay, and of course I offered to have her come down to my place instead, to save her the housework that always follows entertaining. At which point she reminded me that the corner store on her block stocks mango ice cream, and she has no idea what flavors are available at the store downtown… and left me hanging to my phone with my memory of the last time we ate mango ice cream off of each other in her living room.

Aside from a semi-favorite ice cream flavor (I can’t commit to just one flavor!), I love the fact that we have so much in common, especially in the bedroom, where we immediately hit it off. Ice cream being the first one – google tells me I’m a splosh fetishist, meaning I enjoy mixing food with erotic action 🙂 I’ll admit that I have quite the sexual sweet tooth… I usually tone it down a bit during my encounters and limit myself to whipped cream, cherries and carefully controlled chocolate syrup, if only for the reason that I haven’t found a good set of rubber sheets yet (*ahem*) and wrapping the bed with saran wrap just isn’t my idea of satisfying foreplay. I also enjoy a good shock of cold once in a while, so ice cream wins again. It’s good to wake up the nerves once in a while to make sure that they’re all alert and responsive to whatever touch they’re about to enjoy… making a bucket of ice a handy thing to have during an extended amount of oral indulgence. Temperature play is also one of this girl’s favorite things – and one of *my* favorite things was spending the night blindfolded on her bed while she kept me in suspense with her collection of stainless steel sex toys, each sitting in a different temperature of water. It was delicious running through the range of pretty damn cold (I swore I heard her open the fridge once or twice) all the way up to sauna hot ! I’d say I want to relive those moments, but I’m sure we’ll think of something even more fun to do to each other this time around. Still, I’m bringing along my steel anal plug to throw in the freezer for her as revenge 🙂

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen –

Hope you all enjoyed your holidays! I unfortunately missed the last day of guaranteed Christmas delivery from Extreme Restraints, so I’m afraid a few of my gifts will have to be delivered in person when I get back after New Year’s… I hope you don’t mind 🙂

Beyond that, I’m happy to say that I made my list, checked it twice, am totally done with being nice and ready to get naughty. There’s something so liberating about both fulfilling and freeing yourself from all these holiday obligations… and since you were good enough to spend all that time taking care of others, now it’s time to do something good for yourself, right? Let’s erase all of that Xmas stress with some XXXmas action!

I usually like to hold off on making plans for the New Year until it finally hits, but there’s a few things approaching my calendar in January that warrant a little bit of advance acknowledgment. First off, I’ll be doing my best to head out to Chicago to wish one of my kinky Capricorn friends a ridiculously happy birthday, and I’d love to give and receive a few extra spankings while I’m out there. Man, it’s been a *long* time since I was in the windy city – But luckily the internet tells me that Tru is still around, and still serving their soup out of Versace coffee cups (which I must confess I find oddly charming in their hideousness and despite my usual aesthetic tastes have involuntarily learned to love them – maybe it’s just me?). I also had some amazingly good oyster shots there once, but I can’t remember the place… any assistance from a local tongue that loves to taste exotic flavors? Oh, and if you could recommend a well-stocked raw bar as well, that would be great 🙂 I’m planning on getting into Chicago sometime on the 11th and hanging around until the 16th, so be sure to be in touch if you’d like to, um, get in touch…

Before I leave, though, you may also notice on the calendar that I’ll be extending a select few (if even so many) invitations to visit me in Western Mass on the 6th and 7th… and yes, that means incall 🙂 Feel like dropping by to lose a few hours with me? I’d love the company! I’ve also got some things to do in New Haven that week as well, and am happy to offer a similar arrangement – I’m just not sure which day yet, but you’re welcome to contact me if you have an opinion on the matter 🙂

I’ve even got my eye out for February as well, as my best friend reminded me that Cinekink is coming up in NYC! For those of you who *aren’t* up on the scene of erotic cinema, Cinekink is one of the largest fetish film festivals running the circuits today. I’m sure you know that I fully embrace many forms of sexuality (and a little sexual deviance as well), and I’m definitely looking forward to the movies… about half as much as I’m looking forward to the after parties 🙂 It’s a ton of fun – as wild as Sundance, but much, much kinkier! I can indulge myself with a little voyeurism watching interesting scenarios on screen, and maybe if I’m feeling frisky I can seduce a few of my fellow festival goers into reenacting a few of my favorites after… How would you like to be my guest? I could use someone to hold on to in case something scary (or incredibly sexy) comes on to the screen – of course, in a darkened theater, no one will know exactly *what* part of you I’m holding on to. Of course, that’s our business, lol. Or, if you don’t trust yourself enough to keep your eyes on the screen while I’m within groping distance, you could try to convince me to skip the after party and we’ll plan our own private showing! Cinekink runs from February 16th to the 21st, but I’ll mostly likely be hanging around for a few days afterward to work out my kinks before heading home… and you’re welcome to help with that if you’d like.

If the idea of having the mysterious Madame X clinging to you in a darkened theater makes you think long and hard about possible excuses to escape to NYC, there is a second and much more flexible option. As you know, I’m an avid admirer of the sex on the silver screen… and while I usually prefer to enjoy fine skinematic works in the comfort of my own home (and my favorite toys), I occasionally make my way out to the theater to indulge in viewing such pleasures with others. My favorite venue is in Hartford… let me know if you’re in town, we can do dinner, a movie, and dessert 🙂

~Mme X~

Hello Gentlemen!

I had the pleasure of staying tucked inside for most of yesterday evening, watching the first snow fall of the year in Boston, and being glad that I could hang out in my favorite hotel rather than worrying about driving home! But the snow is pretty when it’s fresh, isn’t it? Hopefully it will melt before it gets all gray and gritty… but I enjoyed it in the meantime.

*Now* it feels like Christmas! I get a bit nervous about having to navigate through huge crowds of people, and worse yet, parking lots filled with huge crowds of people in cars, so I planned a bit ahead and did most of my stuff online this year. Still, there’s a few difficult people on my list that I know deserve *something*, even though I have no idea what. Engineers and doctors are very difficult to buy for, I’ve found. As soon as they want something, they go out and get it themselves! That speaks of great problem solving abilities and expertly satisfies the efficiency criteria to be sure, but leaves me with no idea what to get… unless I want it to be given back to me as soon as they realize that they have no way to use it / no place to put it. Gift certificates are no good either – they will inevitably squirrel them away for a time when they can be put to the absolute *best* use. Only engineers believe that there is such a thing as a truly optimal circumstance (perfection is still a possibility, even though the odds are all but impossibly stacked against it)… in the natural sciences we set up perfect situations, and then proceed to criticize them endlessly by measuring the exact amount of ruin and havoc created by each and any combination of real-world influences that such a perfect situation may possibly come in contact with, now or at any point in the future. Which is why gift receipts are essential for doctors, psychologists, biologists and the like – the gift will inevitably be returned or exchanged for something of a different color, something that better matches the new chair they are going to buy with their spouse’s gift card.

Not to rank on my imagineer buddies out there 🙂 I’m just hitting the “heartbreak hill” of my holiday preparations. I got all the easy stuff done already! I went out to the Bizarre Bazaar earlier this afternoon, and bought my friends decorative toilet seats 🙂 Except for my incredibly feminist friend, I bought her a vintage oilcloth apron with matching dishrags and oven mitt. I can’t wait to see her face when she opens the box!

Along the way, I’ve found quite a few things that I wouldn’t mind getting myself… I’m not really one for jewelry (as I already have a few nice pieces and appreciate them dearly 🙂 ) but in my quest for the perfect erotic accessories I recently discovered the work of Sylvie Monthule. I’m speechless to say the least! I think that the Nectar de Jouissance is *exactly* what I want for Christmas. It’s certainly eye catching, but discrete enough to wear out during the day – underneath other, more conservative clothing of course. And gentle enough that I can walk around without causing a screaming orgasmic scene, and enjoy just enough stimulation to keep a *big* smile on my face all day long 🙂 But, I’d like it in blue, as I want it to match my good set of tableware (and yes, I’m usually naked at my table, but rarely when there’s occasion to break out the good china – unless you want to come by and watch me play Naked Chef?). Of course, I could exchange it, lol.

Aside from just getting ready for the 25th, I’ve got one other excursion planned for December – I’ll be headed up to Bangor next weekend, on the 11th and 12th. I have a few things to do in the area during the day, but I’ll be pretty much left to my own devices for the evening… probably vibrating devices. Unless you’d like to come by stuff my stocking for me?

~Mme X~

First off, let me gently remind you that gossip is not the most enjoyable vice to indulge in… and there’s certainly no need for it. If you have a question about me, you’re welcome to ask me personally, and you’ll probably get a better answer than if you just ask a bunch of random dudes on a message board somewhere.

And Hello Gentlemen!

Summer sure has picked up nicely, hasn’t it? I’ve been having a fantastic time running in and out of places that may or may not have cell phone service… I love the outdoors! Still, there’s only a few short weeks to catch up on all the fun that got rained away during June, so I haven’t had the chance to revisit all of my favorite spots… Although I might have an extra excuse to go to Upstate NY in the very near future? We’ll see.

Aside from that, I’ve been happily enjoying a pretty leisurely August, which is a welcome break from the non-stop suicide of a schedule that I had to put up with for most of July. But I can’t complain really, as I like my mainstream career a great deal… it’s just important to me that I get to take time out every once in a while to take care of my *personal* needs as well. Thanks for making all that possible, guys 🙂 Although I think that I need to take time out a little more often, as my doctor has found what looks to be tendinitis developing in my left elbow, and I *am* left handed in at least one of my many activities… He kept asking me what repetitive motion I’d been doing to create such a problem. While I *know* I should be 100% honest with my doctor so that he can do his job properly and ensure that I stay in good health, I just could *not*, for whatever reason, admit to him that I masturbate. Often. Perhaps Excessively. Although somehow, I think he knows… I’m a terrible liar. Anyhow, I’m to limit repetitive activities for a while, or at least wear the elbow brace he gave me. Anyone want to take over my pussy rubbing for a little bit? I need to investigate some ergonomically correct vibrators… and if I recall correctly, the Hitachi Magic Wand has a few attachments that could significantly reduce the stress on certain joints!

My schedule is pretty much my own for a little bit (aside from my trip to the West Indies next week, during which I look forward to giving my time to someone else!), so I’ll be running around Western MA for the most part. There is some business I need to attend to in Concord at some point, so don’t be surprised to see me up there sometime soon – and you might find me up in Conway as well, where the diving is spectacular right now 🙂

Have a good night!

~Mme X~

Hello Gentlemen –

Hope you’ve all been enjoying your summer, in spite of the recent string of rain… my lawn is happy with it, so I can’t say that it’s a bad thing overall, lol. Luckily, most of my days off have at least been partly sunny, so no complaints here 🙂

Recently, my girlfriend celebrated her birthday! She’s one of those girls lucky enough to be born in weather worth celebrating, so I was happy to celebrate with her. Unlike me, she doesn’t do birthdays in such a big way. The way I see it, there’s only one day a year that belongs to me and no one else (unless you also happen to born on the same day, in which case happy birthday to you too), and I’m going to use that day and all the excuses that come with it to it’s fullest extent! I eat multiple varieties of cake, ice cream, alcoholic beverages, and whatever other delicious indigestible substances come my way. There’s 364 other days to worry about the consequences!

Anyway, we went to the spa (something I only do with her – she’s crazy about it, and I’m slowly getting to the point where I can sort of relax while strangers invade my personal space with hot stones, nail clippers, molten wax and other things that I don’t think strangers should normally approach me with), drank wine… and enjoyed some lingerie 🙂 But that’s for me to remember, and you to fantasize about… sorry you weren’t there.

Sometime during the evening, it occurred to me that I could think of at least two very good uses for a double-ended dildo. Unfortunately, I lost my last such toy during the only robbery I’ve ever experienced (taken from my luggage, which I was too tired to drag in from the car after a drive back from NYC) and never replaced it. So, this week I spent my idle hours on the internet in pursuit of a worthy addition to my toy collection. There are so many choices, but I’m quite the perfectionist, especially when it comes to finances and fuckability, and these most intimate purchases.

The first device that caught my attention was the Tango… I have something very similar to this, but this one looks like an ever-so-slightly better design. I like the placement of the vibrator bullet, as well as the shape of “giving” end… I think it could target some of the crucial points a bit better 🙂 Of course, I can’t tell you how much better it performs until I get one, and sadly, I can’t find a store that has this product in stock, even though they all want to tell me how great it is so that I wait until their next shipment. But until then, I’ll only imagine. It’s not like I’m in dire need of  a strapon at the present moment anyway, as I have a harness that I’m told does a fairly fantastic job. But hey, I am *always* on the quest for improvement!

While eye catching and mouth watering, the tango isn’t really what I was looking for this time around… I was looking for a toy that didn’t force quite so much power play into my bedroom (although it’s always fun to switch roles, I’d gladly be on either end of that thing, lol), and would instead create a situation where we could both fuck and be fucked equally. That’s the American Dream, as far as I’m concerned 🙂 So, anyway, I came across (I wish the pun were intended but I don’t own it yet!) this cute and not-so-little thing… It looks perfect 🙂 The pros are obvious – it’s really long, more than long enough for two girls to share, in any number of positions, with enough room for some observation and manual interaction, maybe even some ass grabbing as well. And the material, though not so tasty, is very soft and bendable, and good once again for  a wide variety of positions! Cons? Well, it’s ultra smooth, which normally I count as a huge plus, but my girlfriend really enjoys heavily textured dicks. Luckily there are a few that offer one of each, but they all have their pluses and minuses…

As always, I kind of had my heart set on something electronic. If it’s something that’s strictly for use with my girlfriend or any of my male play partners, then I can do without the voltage, and just let the human element of surprise give me the extra edge I need. When I’m by myself though, if there’s not at least a little bit of buzzing, I just feel like I’m playing with myself. So I found this… it looks fantastic, save for one major point – what’s that grip doing in the middle? Yes, I do understand that it’s used to hold onto the thing… but I’d really let my PC muscles do most of the gripping when it comes to these types of things, okay? I can’t tell from looks, but I’m afraid it might be hard and uncomfortable… restricting skin-on-skin contact if we decide to try really hard and meet in the middle of this thing – which, in my hottest and wettest fantasies, we would 🙂 Looks like it will have to remain a fantasy for a little bit longer, since this ridiculously tantalizing toy is also out of stock. I suppose I keep picking the popular ones?

After searching the internet, crossing and uncrossing my legs at least 20 times, and even taking a break to check out some porn, try as I might i could not find a site that had close to exactly what I was looking for. I did, however, buy a whole bunch of things that I was not really looking for, but desperately wanted once I found :)  I’ll be awaiting a few deliveries on Monday bringing my recent purchases… and I’ve invited my girlfriend over for dinner that night to open the packages 🙂

Mondays don’t *have* to suck, after all…

*Madame X