The Mystery of Madame X

Hello Gentlemen!

Spring seems to have finally sprung (despite that little snow scare we had this morning) and I’m feeling quite frisky 🙂 More thoroughly than just in the naughty way – I’m feeling motivated to go out and get some things done in the world, as you might be able to guess from the state of my calendar!

Where to begin… I’ve found a way to squeeze in a little play time down in Atlantic City next weekend, to go have some fun at the Exxxotica Expo and catch up with a few of my pornstar ex girlfriends. I have yet to be to a single Exxxotica event, but love the idea of it. It looks like quite the party, with a very promising guest list… including myself and the lovely Grace Sheperd, who will be joining me for the weekend. I have a feeling that we’ll be spending a lot of time in the dungeon… and I also have a feeling that I’ve finally found a place to wear my new green latex hobble skirt. Or maybe the white Marilyn dress? Or perhaps my favorite nurse’s outfit… that might be a bit much, as I have yet to persuade pasties to stay on my nipples for more than 15 minutes before popping off. Anyway, I know that I will be wearing at least *some* of my rubber wardrobe, as I certainly would whenever any of you gentlemen requested it… provided you’re patient enough to watch me slide into it…

And a very appreciative thank you to those of you who are 😉

After that we’ll both be headed home via Hartford CT, where I’ll slip into more latex and head out to the Art Cinema with Grace for more pornographic fun. Feel free to volunteer yourself to escort us out for the evening, and watch us watch porn – a double voyeur experience! I suppose it’s not totally observation only though, as we encourage audience participation from certain parties 🙂

After that you’re going to have to go and check out the calendar yourself, as there’s a little NYC, some more CT, and even some DC on there!

Of course as I’m sure most of you know, if you don’t see me coming to a certain area where you wish I was, you’re more than welcome to ask. I can’t imagine the incredible patience of some of you who will sit and wait for years (yes, years I’ve been told – how pathetic sweet) waiting for me to somehow telepathically know that if I just booked dates for your town, you’d *finally* screw up your courage and make a date. While I’m sure that the anticipation and longing makes that eventual meeting all the more sweeter for *you*, I prefer a more masculine sort of charm to my men, possessed by gentlemen who are not afraid to reach out to me and let me know exactly what they want, and suggest how and when I might be able to give it to them. For such men, I usually give much more than asked with even more enthusiasm than obedience 🙂 Not only is it nice to feel desired, it also makes it much easier to plan my schedule around you. I’m told I have many talents, but mind reading is not one of them.

This same sort of direct attitude that I so much appreciate in my men applies to many more aspects of our date than simply the very setting of the appointment, though that is of course a very important first step. It also applies to what we’re actually going to be doing together. While even in my day job I am not a fan of overly regimented meetings and I’m sure any woman would look at you weirdly (and probably then flick a rather targeted glance from you to the door) if you showed up with a written out agenda comprising of the acts you’d like to enjoy, it is equally as annoying to try to please a man who seems to have his heart set on something specific with no intentions of actually letting me know what that is, as though he’d rather leave disappointed than face the possible embarrassment of telling another living soul what he’s after in bed. That’s a sad state of being and I do truly feel sorry for you if that’s your situation, but sorry ≠sexy and I’ve really got no interest in mercy fvcking… So, unless you’ve got a serious fetish for charades, you’d be best to go ahead and tell me what you want! I especially enjoy men who’ll grab me close and whisper their dirty desires in my ear, tell me what they want me to do, how they like it, and make me describe how I’m going to do it to them. And make it sound wonderfully sexy, scandalous and dirty… I love it.

Taking a slight step back for the steamy mental image of you telling me exactly how you’d like to, umm… fill in the blank… there are a few things that probably should be said before the session. If I’m traveling and you really had envisioned seeing me in a certain type of outfit, a particular shoe, or with a certain apparatus, I’ll be better able to accommodate your request if you let me know while I’m still in the packing process. A good part of my riding crop collection, while beautiful (I really have to post the latest photos I took with the rose bud crop I got to celebrate spring, though a nice bouquet might suit me better) is just a bit too long to fit well into any suitcase I currently own. They do get out of the house occasionally, but admittedly only by special request (either yours or mine, lol). Same with many of my more elaborate electrotoys, and my swarovski crystal bra lingerie set.

Please don’t take any of this as a complaint – I do enjoy special requests a great deal. But you’ve got to ask – nothing disappoints me more than breaking out a fresh pair of 10 dernier silk stockings with seed pearl seams only to find that I’ve gone to meet a man that cares nothing for hosiery and in fact finds garter clips infuriating. Also disappointing is finding myself in bed with a playmate who is responding wonderfully to nipple play… only to realize that I’ve left my snake bite cups, tweezer clamps, and clothespins at home. Slightly less disappointing as I *am* quite resourceful, but still – I could have done better with a little time to gather my thoughts at home, where I have my entire arsenal at my disposal 🙂

And please, don’t just think that you’re offering me packing or wardrobe advice when you think of seductive little tidbits to throw into your emails while we’re looking forward to our fantastic night together. Once we’re through the initial introductions (and I’ve verified exactly who I’m being introduced to) we can speak as freely as we’d like, so feel free to tell me whatever you like. Do you particularly enjoy pictures of my pubic hair? It might help to let me know, before I trim it all down to a subtle fuzz for you.  Are you a fan of feet? I’ll be extra sure to put on fresh polish and pick out some peep toe pumps for you. I’m not out to be all that vulgar, but as you may imagine there are some erotic acts that require a little more forethought and timing than others…

This is not at all to say that I prefer to leave the finer points of the evening all up to someone else’s control, but I only aim to please. If there’s something particular that you have your heart set on incorporating into our evening, just let me know… and I’ll be sure to make full use of my creativity around that 🙂

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Hello Gentlemen!

I know, I know… I really should have gotten around to putting up some new posts already this year, but I’m sure you can relate to the fact that stuff is going on. Lots of stuff! Not sure where to begin, really…

Uh, how were your holidays? Mine went very well, thanks for asking. And New Year’s? Amazing as well, very much enjoyed it. I came back to a couple of exciting developments at the day job(s), which pretty much had me running non-stop all January until literally *right* now. Whew! Fun times all around though, and I do it all again in a heartbeat… just give me a minute to catch my breath first!

I had a number of plans to up my travel time during the New Year, and figured I would kick it off with a trip to Philly. I’m sure I’m missing out on some fantastic times there, but between the fact that things were simply so hectic here, and the fact that because of all the goings-on I couldn’t find the time to reach out and tell anyone that I was going to be there (but a big thank you to those that noticed), I decided there wouldn’t be much harm done if I just called it off and took the extra few days to lounge around in my fluffy bathrobe and see what my local boys have been up to lately 🙂 I’m still here, and still in my bathrobe (which is as dressed as I ever get in my own home), so please do give me a call so that we can catch up!

In year-end reflection, I realized that I don’t really “tour” like a lot of ladies do. I really don’t do much like other ladies do, which leads to a lot of frustration when guys ass/u/me that I’m just like the rest… a pattern that seems to be growing lately since they started letting idiots get on the internet. Anyway, I don’t really tour in the traditional sense. I travel for work or to visit friends, and if I have time I will take time out to relax with a date or two during my stay. I don’t really put too much emphasis on advertising in the traditional sense, both because I hate ads and I keep such a “low volume” (god I hate that term) that there’s not really much point in it besides reminding the other ladies that I still exist. This area of my life has never really been allowed to take center stage – Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy you men immensely, but *individually*, not as a mass conglomerate. I love what I do here, but I’m more into the individual connection and the resulting intimacy than I am into the dynamics of the scene as a whole. I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that my attitude is rare, but you men keep telling me that it is… I’m not call you a liar, but I don’t believe you. If I’m good, then it’s only because you bring out the best in me 🙂

Still, after hearing so much about this “touring” thing from much more thoroughly branded girls than I, I decided that 2013 was my chance to give it a try. Apparently it’s not… but I definitely won’t just be sitting still, as the day job has several places they’d like to send me, and they’d especially like me to fit Jackson Missippi into my schedule (how subtle, right?), and I figure I should get a jump on that before it gets hot as Hell down there (I couldn’t resist). I might take a few days beforehand to spend some more time in New Orleans and indulge in a little deviance and debauchery – or maybe a lot, to make the trip worth it! Indianapolis is on my radar as well, but I’m waiting for that one to warm up… Stay tuned for those dates, though you of course know how to light a fire under my hot ass 🙂 Please do get in touch, as I’m sure I’ll be looking for company in both cities…

I’m also needed in Long Island asap, which according to Boston (who would like to see me move into my office), is going to be the first week of March. I’m actually excited, as I have some friends down there that I haven’t seen in quite a while, and I actually might be bringing a friend with me. Hopefully I’ll have enough time to squeeze in another post with more details between here and there… but if you just can’t control you’re curiosity, just ask and I will gladly answer 🙂

Where else? I did court some contracts in Philly because I figured I’d be in town (and I’m a workaholic), so I still do have to head out that way at some point. Sure, I’ve got Skype, but since I have to put on clothes for that (I tried the “neck up” camera thing for a while, and I kept getting called on it, so no more naked video conferences) I figure I might as well just fly out there.

Someone actually asked me the other day if I “toured” Brattleboro VT. Times are a changing, eh? Just to make it clear once again, New England is my local area. I never understand girls who post that they’re in one city one day, then post that they’ll be two town over the next day… I can’t tell who’s lazier, the girl who wouldn’t bother venturing a safe distance from home before publicly advertising, or the men who will see her in Waltham, but not in Lexington. For the record, I have a rather nice, comfortable car, and don’t mind driving short distances to meet you.

That reminds me, I do have some local travel to post on the calendar as well. I’ll be in Providence tomorrow, Boston on Sunday, Portsmouth on Monday, Manchester on Tuesday, and Boston again on Wednesday. All in my local area, as far as I’m concerned 🙂

Well, I feel a little bit of the tension I built up over January fading away a little bit… now off to a hot bath and my waterproof rabbit to melt away the rest. But first, enjoy this!

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”

“Nope. Not a clue,” she replied.

“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!”

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.”

Oh, and some porn, of course 🙂 And what a coincidence, I just bought a nearly identical checkered outfit on my way home last night!

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Hello Gentlemen!

Hope things have been going well for you. As always, things are just peachy over here, though very, *very* busy… all in a good way, though it occasionally gets hard to remember that when I’m looking at my bed and realizing that it’s going to be a bit longer than I’d like before I can crawl into it, and a bit sooner than I’d like before I’m going to have to get out of it again.

C’est la vie, c’est la vie – and I do love it dearly, you know. It’s just very full right now, but I’m looking forward to winding down a little toward the end of the month, and giving myself a few days of great times and good company in CT right before the end of it all… which you’d already know if you had checked the calendar 🙂

Even with that mild touch of complaining, I really don’t have a right to. I pretty much partied like a rock star all over my last trip to Maine, and fully intend on doing it again soon! Maine has the best oysters ever. No contest, hands down, high five. And they also have a great looking bar that serves the most delicious Earl Gray vodka. If you thought Absolute Boston was good (and I did) then you should go and grab yourself a drink there. And take me with you!

I was chatting over one of these delightful beverages with a friend of mine (who’s well aware of this lifestyle and we do keep it light anyway – I’m not one to kiss and tell!) when she asked, in the most tactful way mind you, how much entertaining I’ve been doing lately. A simple question. And to me, with a simple answer… but apparently not so much in her eyes.

“Well, I keep up with some guys. I’ve been seeing mostly the same people for years now… occasionally I see someone new.” I’m roughly paraphrasing myself here – she asked for a little more explanation, and I’m *sure* you’ve noticed how skillfully I can dodge a direct answer.

“Oh, so you’re a sugar baby?” Direct quote from my barstool buddy.

Eeek… well then, she certainly did say it, didn’t she? Sugar Baby.

For those of you that I’ve known over the years, you may have noticed that I keep a fairly low profile most of the time, though I really did try and make the effort by joining Twitter. I generally don’t advertise (I just dislike the word advertise really), though a few times a year you might find me mentioning myself somewhere. It’s true that I’m significantly happier deepening an existing physical connection than just casting my net wide for new dance partners, and as a result I tend to see the same men regularly for months and years. As a result of *that* several of my friends have just set up recurring dates, on a given day of the week or whatever, so that we can keep our schedules as stress free as possible. I’m a stable enough part of some people’s lives for, uh, trusting partnerships surrounding modest assets to be a realistic consideration.

However, I cringe at the label of Sugar Baby. I pretty much thumb my nose at most labels, as you probably have already noticed. I break all molds! And I am *not* a sugar baby. One of the greatest things about this lifestyle, from my perspective, is that there are no expectations, commitments, or obligations. I truly do love seeing you, but when I walk out the door after seeing you, I don’t want either of us to have any reason to see each other again aside from the sheer desire to do so.

Being a sugar baby would ruin that entirely! I don’t want to pick a bill out of mailbox, and have *that* be the reminder that you should be calling me sooner rather than later. I don’t want to call you to remind you to come back for some close contact because tuition is coming due. I definitely don’t want to become an itemized bill on your balance sheet! Please don’t do that to me.

A little while ago (and several times prior) I received an email from a suitor looking to see if I was interested in entering into a sugar-type arrangement. Yeah… doesn’t that seem like a weird question to ask someone you’ve never even met? While I’m sure people do it all the time, as indicated by the bazillion websites that advertise such a thing, I don’t. I’d never commit to seeing someone on a set schedule before knowing if I even like seeing them *once*. I’d imagine that most reasonable men feel the same way, right? If the desire for a certain type of relationship dictates the type of woman you’re looking for, that seems to me to be putting the cart before the horse, really. Let’s get together, see if it’s something we’d like to do more often, and then we can talk about what comes next!

While I do sincerely hope that you’ll call on me again, I don’t ever want to be in the position where I expect you to, or arrange my life so that I need you to. I have a very nice life with several fairly strong, vibrantly fun careers, and you gentlemen are always invited to ice the cake, as it were 🙂 You can call me baby, but I’m still not your sugar baby!

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Hello Gentlemen –

Spring is in the air! And you know what that means… spring cleaning! I’ve got a new vacuum cleaner, and I suppose I’m finally ready to let go of (pieces of) my collection of leather skirts, mismatched underwear, and religious-themed jewelry. I also have to go through the site and dust it off a bit, and polish a few things up. Any suggestions? I updated my age in the details section – late 20’s will cover me for a few more years, I forgot to update it with my last birthday. I’ve crossed the quarter-centennial mark, so I’ll just let you know when I’m due to celebrate the big 30, lol. I also updated my favorite ice cream flavor, but that’s obsolete already – the new reigning favorite is Pineapple Coconut. Stay tuned.

It was also time to find a new favorite chocolate shop. I absolutely adored Tom and Sally’s – one of my favorite things about Brattleboro VT was their dark chocolate lab rat shaped truffles, followed up by their mint chocolate pasties! The chocolate bodypaint was pretty good too, and it even came with a real horsehair brush. Too bad they closed, or they would definitely still be my favorite. But, times change, and so my favor now shines on Portland Maine, where Dean’s Sweets continues to blow my mind! The dark chocolate ginger truffles are really good. The tequila lime truffles are insanely good. The lemon apricot chevre truffles are surprisingly good. And they’ve got *bacon*. Who doesn’t love bacon? I don’t care if you’re Jewish, Muslim, or vegetarian, just own up to it – you love bacon 🙂

Speaking of Maine – I go there sometimes. Mostly during the summer. If that is news to you, then it sounds like someone should be checking the calendar… you’ll see me on the NH seacoast quite a bit more often though. Again, mostly in the summer. Aside from that, I haven’t really had the presence of mind to come up with many summer plans – I’m just so glad it’s here! And I’m glad I get to be here for it 🙂 And I’m glad to get to spend some of it with you 🙂

Though I’m trying to be better about it (and sometimes I’m not sure why) most of my travels usually go unannounced. It’s not that I’m avoiding you or anything, it’s just that I do a lot of things that are in no way related to this facet of my life here, and it honestly slips my mind for the most part. Unless I see you across the beach (or the mall, or the post office, or whatever), and you give me that death stare like “you’re *here*? Why didn’t you call me?” Or you are with your friends or your wife and I can almost see you start to wilt like lettuce in the hot sun… Let’s take a moment here.

As hard as it may be for some of you to believe, I am a real person! Really! I am not a rockstar, even though I pretend to be when I’m in my car singing along with the radio 🙂 I am not an elusive spectre of the night that comes out only in pursuit of pleasure, though often I wish I was. Nope, I exist 24/7/365 like the rest of you. This means that I go grocery shopping, get oil changes on my car, go to the bar with my friends, and take my dog to the park. If you’re around my local area, meaning all of New England (I was never one to sit still) I may see you at some point, and you may see me.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a life shattering experience. Unless you’ve told anyone, no one knows but us. Maybe your girlfriend if she was there. You do not need to hide, cover your face, leave the room, or adjust your tie and cough loudly. You also do not need to wave, call my name, or grab my butt (maybe if no one’s looking). You can choose to either know me or not, but really, there are no rules for who is allowed to know who in this world, so it’s not like saying hello to a woman automatically insinuates that you’ve spent some time sweating over the sheets with her. Something generic such as “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while” or “You look awfully familiar” is leaps and bounds better than leering at me like a perv from across the room, or shaking until your wife (I’d say husband, but women seem to intuitively know how to cheat, lol)  is driven to ask exactly what is suddenly the matter with you.

Generally, I will pretend not to know you. It’s nothing personal, really. I pretend not to know most people, lol. You’re busy, I’m busy, I don’t know where you’re going and you don’t know what I’m late for so maybe it’s just best to text me later and say you saw me. If you’re with someone, I’d rather not intrude, so let’s have the vice be versa, unless you also know the girl I’m with. I will not wave to you in front of your wife (or anyone), so there’s no need to worry about that. Although if you start sweating bullets and turn an autumnal shade of red with your eyes locked in my direction, you may has well have pointed me out and told her that I look much better naked. Please be discreet! Just act normal. Because really, there is nothing out of the ordinary about a short black girl running errands or going out, is there?

I’m not going to flip out if you do come over and say hi, so long as you’re respectful about it. I’ve had plenty of friends, professors, co workers, etc, so it shouldn’t be hard to figure out where you might know me from… just please don’t tell everyone I’m your girlfriend, or drug dealer. I’m neither, but I’ve been passed off as both. And don’t waste your time coming up with a seamless cover story for how we ended up having that wild one night stand in London last summer – also not smooth. I will probably flip out, depends on the occasion. I will definitely flip out if you just start following me because you can’t think of anything to say and hope you might think of something before I get to the end of the street. I don’t know what planet you think *I’m* from (planet awesome!), but some of you guys need to get the heck out of Uranus…

Of course that doesn’t actually apply to you, I was just preserving syntax 🙂 You guys are generally tactful, urbane creatures until the clothes come off. Most guys, if they make fools of themselves such the examples above, are usually cognizant enough of their error not to call me again, not that I would pick up anyway. However, sometimes it is not so easy to be a gentleman, and unpredictable situations ensue, forcing us to try our hand at experimental etiquette. Such as –

• You’re at work, knowing that you will be meeting with some consultants today, and you walk into the boardroom. There is a disinterested woman in the corner folding paper airplanes out of your agenda – Madame X. What do you do? Hmm… you could say hi. Leave it at that, and carry on with business as usual. We’ll take each other aside later and fill each other in on a possible back story. Or, we could fake meeting for the first time. I’ll follow our lead if you follow mine! This is probably the most likely scenario on the list, but it could get worse…
• You’re wife’s best friend is getting married for the 5th time, and so you’ve spiffed yourself up to accompany her once again, planning to hit the open bar for as long as it takes to make the night interesting. You’re wife’s friend’s boss’s son, who also makes a bee line for the bar, has brought a date! Enter Madame X. If it’s a situation where we’re doomed to spend the entire evening wallowing in the disjointed details of our backstory, it’s best not to have one – we’ll screw it up or step on each other at some point, and there’s too many people to refute it. Let’s meet again, shall we?
• You are at the bar, having a fun and lively time with a couple of your friends. I know how guys talk (or at least I imagine that you’re not altogether alien from women, so…) your friend is telling you about this great girl he’s been seeing. Great body, she’s a gymnast. Smoking hot round ass. Butter soft skin. nipples like hershey’s kisses. And she even makes a decent joke once in a while. He’s not telling you anything you don’t know already, because he’s talking about Madame X. What to do? You are on your own there, my friend. Far be it from me to tell a man how to treat his fellow man. Chances are he’s in on the same secret as you are, but it’s your call.
• Your son/daughter is quite the social butterfly, but that’s only to be expected. S/he has decided to make use of your beach house, and invite some friends up for the weekend. You decide that you could use a break as well, so you’ll spend the day up there, then leave them to get their respectful and non-housewrecking party on for the night. As the friends start showing up… so does Madame X. It is time to either come up with the most G rated cover story you can muster, or just get the hell out of dodge. I wouldn’t hold it against you either way. Unless you happen to have a daughter (and I can feel you cringing now so I’ll just put you at ease and say that this is not a true story) who is also involved in this lifestyle, there is very very little chance that they will be any the wiser this time around – the only friends I have that know about my presence here are my college friends that are also doing this, and none of us mention any names even to each other, unless of course it’s an official introduction.
• And the flipside – your friend tells you to swing by to pick up some speakers. Huge bass bombers with rubber cones, how could you say no? You sail down the driveway and pull up behind the garage, where you see a very familiar looking car. Your friend invites you in, apologizing for the fact that his daughter also decided to stop in for a bit. Inside is Madame X. For the love of Crust, you have never seen me before in your life!

By comparison, finding yourself standing behind me in line at the bank doesn’t seem like such a big deal, does it? I didn’t think so 🙂 Til we meet again!

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen –

Happy Halloween! I just finished watching the bulk of colored leaves fall from the trees, and am looking forward to once again sailing down my country roads at normal country speeds. For those of you live in areas un-scenic enough to be free of Sunday Drivers, consider yourselves lucky. Somehow, the quick onset of fall has pushed me into a rather un-festive mood  this holiday season – I have no Halloween parties planned, and have not yet bought a single costume (but a sincere thank you for all the new ones that came in early this year… I don’t think anything is going to top the latex nurse outfit this year, lol). I bought a pumpkin at the store today, but can’t figure out what I want to carve it into… *sigh*. I did get my share of fall fun this weekend, hiking up in the Berkshires with my puppy and decompressing at the spa the day before and after. I failed to make any new culinary discoveries, but I did find out that someone in the boondocks is making a rather fine gin! I’ll have to make sure to try some next time I head out to Bash Bish so that I can share some with my friends while it’s in season. It’s a shame… my tongue is more interested in more seasonal spirits (thanks for that too, btw), but that gin definitely deserves more than one exploratory sip.

Not sure how to broach this particular topic, since I generally tend to be a woman of flowery speech and the delicate turn of a phrase… however I realize that there a few things that I have yet to expressly state to many of you, and while the majority of you are attentive enough to me to act intuitively in line with my wishes, I occasionally encounter a man who’s intentions eclipse my implications entirely. That’s all well and good, I like my men with balls, lol. Getting what you want is fine by me, so long as you get it how I want you to. In this particular case, I’m talking about something you’ll rarely find me saying much about – review boards.

I’m not really one to kiss and tell… and I’m told by many of you that I’m all the more valued for this virtue. While many of the men who volunteer to review me have nothing but the most pleasant, generous intentions (there is always the occasional asshole who thinks that the threat of a poor review is going to make me want to be more intimate with them. Go figure), attention is not really what I’m after in this lifestyle. First and foremost, while I’m sure you feel safe and secure with me, let’s not forget how our activities measure up against societal standards. I’m all for the libertine lifestyle, and perhaps you are as well. Perhaps you’re even lucky enough to have no encumbrances  to hide your indulgences from! Whoever you are and however you live, please do remember that as long as you’re in the land of the free, we’ve got some voyeurism going on. The uncomfortable kind. To put it bluntly, I really don’t need you to post a dirty story to give Big Brother a hard on for me. I really do appreciate the gesture, but when you’re with me, I have all the attention I want.

Secondly, while I can understand that any available service needs to be examined by the discerning shopper, I don’t really consider myself to be a Jiffy Lube. If a particular man and I click in such a way that I feel an urge to indulge in some activities in which I sense he has a strong craving and considerable skills for, then I’m going to go where the chemistry takes me. I don’t argue with science, lol. However, I don’t want to be subject to the rudeness that ensues when Mr. Awkward and Self-Entitled comes in and demands pages 20-25 of the Karma Sutra because he read a fantasy story somewhere online that I did something like that with Mr. Debonair. Furthermore, I’ve been seeing some of you for the better half of the decade. If, after 3-4 years I decide that I trust you enough to test out a few kinks, I don’t need a public summary of our wild ride posted so that every kink-curious loser comes to me to try and learn the ropes. In other words, with me there is no “menu”, there are no ratings, and aside from YMMV, there are no friggin’ acronyms. So quit raving about my “authentic” attitude and just relax and have a real good time.

Third… this one’s the hard one, as I’m not sure whether or not I’m just b*tching here now, lol. While I’ve met so many men in this life that I enjoy *immensely* (my life is seriously so much better for the knowing you guys, it’s been so much fun), public outbursts also bring the attention of men that I could really do without, men who no doubt would have hit on lower hanging fruit if I just kept the low profile I usually like to. Complaining is a habit I try hard to resist… I believe my point is best summed up by the following email, which surprisingly is the most coherent of the 63 I got in the 4 hours after my latest review was posted –

I am a professional and have been looking at your site and reading  some of your very nice reviews.  I’m wondering if you may be doing incall service this afternoon.  I am going to be online for a short period of time so hope you get this soon.  I can provide references if you are interested and have some time.

While this message may be comprised of complete sentences, it also demonstrates that while the man has read all of my fascinating reviews (an achievement which he is pleased to announce! I on the other hand, only read the first one) he has obviously read *none* of my site (just looking at it, eh?). Of course, he hasn’t had time, this afternoon is coming right up! Whatever day *that* was, lol. If only he had caught me on that other sunny afternoon where I was sitting in a hotel (in any city apparently – he didn’t state where he was)  staring at my email inbox waiting for a generic sounding email to roll in with no verifiable information in it, he so would have made my day. So boys, sorry to break it to you, but most of your audience doesn’t really appreciate the depth of your literary skill. Don’t waste your talents on undeserving eyes – submit to literotica instead 🙂

I’m not totally against the entire practice… after all, caveat emptor. If you want to get your two free weeks access to other people’s dirty secrets, who am I to stop you? I think I would be slightly overstepping my bounds to tell you what to do with your memories, but don’t expect me to be as thrilled with your latest literary achievement as I was with that Cognac! If you *are* going to kiss and tell, please remember to leave the pillow talk on the pillow. My name is Madame X, and I’m a lady of erotic interests and prurient pleasures. If, somewhere during the course of our encounter, we speak of things that are deeper than just carnal conversation (I do like dirty talk), then leave that where it lies. I hope my words aren’t too delicate to hold up the importance of my point here – If you do have to say anything, than just say what’s relevant to the platform you’re presenting to. Respect my privacy, and do justice to the good man I assume you are when we meet.

As with all of my less-than-positive posts, this really has nothing to do with most of you, probably none of you at all – I just had to get it off my chest. Now, back to the pages of one-line emails telling me how hot I am, asking me if I do 5 minutes sessions, and wondering when I’ll be in Athens…

Oh, but before I go, I should tell you that I’ll be in San Francisco soon, LA shortly thereafter, and I’ll be posting some new photos in the gallery. The green ones. They totally look like I put my camera on a tripod and jumped around on the bed, because that’s pretty much exactly what happened. Authentic? I’d say so 🙂 I did screw around with the color channels a little bit, I was trying to enhance the green. You’ll see.

~Mme X~

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Hello Gentlemen –

I trust that things have been going well for all of you! Things have been going well for me, aside from a few minor schedule confusions. But, I’ve been steadily keeping on top of my calendar, so as things change, the changes are reflected there. There are a lot of free days on my schedule this spring… but as you may have noticed, they don’t stay that way for long – I like to keep myself pretty busy! So, if you’d like to get busy with me, I urge you not to leave things until the last minute. Your inquiries, while appreciated, will rarely turn into an appointment within a day, and depending on how motivated I’ve been in my mainstream work, perhaps not within a week. “Tentative plans” aren’t really plans in my book – until I’ve got enough confidence to write something down on my calendar *in pen*, those general ideas of what I might do for the day are open to being trumped by more firm plans. I’m sure you understand. I’m not trying to be unfriendly, just efficient 🙂

A few words on methods and modes of contact – I prefer email, by a long shot. I can understand situations where a phone may be more logistically convenient than the computer, but if you’d like an answer to your call, leave a message. It would be best if your message included good times to call back, as I’m definitely *not* and would never like to be in the habit of calling people at random – I can’t read your mind, I don’t keep track of your wife’s schedule well enough to know when she gets home from work and what days she has off, and I’d prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to discretion. Have you ever gotten a call in your office, where the subject matter was… let’s just say not appropriate for the office? Well, please keep in mind that unless I’m in the shower, eating, or sleeping (with or without you), I’m generally working, so please don’t call just to ask what I’m wearing. Really, if there’s any way that your call could possibly be construed as non-urgent, then I’d recommend email. I generally don’t answer my phone unless I’m expecting a call. Of course, I might, but those are horrible odds to play so don’t bank on them! Unless you enjoy the thrill of continually betting 00 at the roulette table. I don’t, and I really don’t enjoy playing the role of the house in that game either. I can’t find a ringtone for my phone that doesn’t grate my nerves 🙂

Of course I know that I’m basically preaching to the choir, as all this information is much more concisely laid out in my FAQ… and those that have a hard time getting through that rarely get over to my blog. Yours would probably be the call that I would answer 🙂 But don’t test faith, lol.

~Mme X~

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