The Mystery of Madame X

Hello Gentlemen –

Hope you’re off enjoying your summer – It’s already August, so grab the warm weather while it lasts! It’s going by way too fast for me… all registered for classes in the fall, I can barely believe it. I’m actually enjoying school this time around (though this particular semester doesn’t look like it will be one of the most exciting), but I know that the first day of school is followed by the first frost, then the first snow, and then a whole bunch of miserable 🙁

Luckily, there’s still a little bit of distance between then and now (plus a little getaway I’ve planned to steal some last-minute sun out West when it starts getting cool around here) which leaves us just enough time to stock up on steamy memories to keep us warm all winter! I’ve been spending plenty of time in Portsmouth, Western MA, Hartford and a few other not-too-exotic locations which may or may not be posted on the calendar, depending on the nature of the trip… and I’m often off on a whim, so it’s always best to shoot me an email if you’d like to pin me down for a while. And I certainly would enjoy that! I’ve been extra horny lately, and masturbation can only do so much.

Actually masturbation can do an awful lot, so much so that I’m afraid of overdoing it! When I was in middle school, one of my friends (and a wonderful musician, which is why this story is so scary), ended up with terrible carpal tunnel and a tennis elbow on his left arm, and had to give up music for half the year as a result. Such a critical year too, right when the prep schools start courting… I felt terrible for him. I really didn’t think anything of it, even though I was totally unaware that he played tennis and could have sworn he was right handed. He was in an arm sling for weeks, hoping that he would heal in time for the concert season. His doctor had strictly forbidden video games, and so I was lounging around bored in his room, totally *not* playing Zelda on N64, when his sister walked by the door on her way out.

“Oh, you’ve finally got a girl over!” I was such a tomboy, it was rare in those days someone would look at me as a girl, “Good, maybe she can take over for a while until your wrist heals.” I might have been a little naive back then, but I wasn’t *that* dumb… I got it. Mostly from seeing how red my friend got.

From then forward, I’ve been terribly afraid of masturbating myself into tendonitis! I’ve gotten all sorts of toys and contraptions to give me a more ergonomic angle on my private parts, and believe me they do work well 🙂 However, there’s something about the feel of my own skin that I just have to have every now and again… and often… and I worry that my moments of bliss will leave me in constant pain if I keep getting into it like I have in the past.

No, I’m not asking for a chastity belt (that would be torture for *both* of us, wouldn’t it?) and I’m only kind of looking for more toys (though one of those long handled percussion massagers would be insanely intense!), but I did spend the gloomier part of this afternoon searching the internet for safer and more stimulating masturbation techniques. Seems women don’t talk about masturbation all that much… less talk / more action I suppose 🙂 I few googles in, I stumbled upon LetsMasturbate.com. Aptly named, it’s devoted to solo sex. I landed on the female section and there’s a few goodies mixed in with the run of the mill fruits/veggies/electric toothbrush tips. Here’s my favorite, but mostly for the clear explicit instructions than the novelty of the approach, as this is constantly on my to-do-again list –

Take an AC-powered vibrator to your clit, a battery powered anal stimulator with an attached controller and a nice, fat, long dildo.  Tease your clit with the electric vibrator (they’re the best).  When sufficiently juiced up, lube the anal vibe and stick in your ass slowly while working you clit with the electric vibe. Don’t turn on the anal vibrator on just yet.  Relax and enjoy the feeling of having your ass penetrated.  Continue working your clit.  Then, slowly work the dildo in and out while working your clit with the electric vibe.  I like to occasionally suck my own juices off the dildo and then stick it back in.  When you feel your orgasm approaching, I like to turn on the anal buzzer to high, and stroke that big dildo in me nice and fast while buzzing my clit.  The contraction in my pussy eventually pushes the dildo out and I usually squirt my cum all over myself as I ride the waves of buzzing ecstasy. You will be arching your pelvis towards heaven as your entire perineum is stimulated to a fantastic orgasm.  It’s even better when my husband watches, strokes his cock for me and then sticks his cock into my only remaining orifice (my mouth) and cums at that same time as I do. All I can do is swallow and writhe, as there is nothing like having all of your orifices filled and stimulated simultaneously!

I also liked the idea about kitchen sink sprayer – I never use mine, as I have a shower hose so it never occurred to me. After reading through their hilarious list with a raised eyebrow, I saw that the majority of the site is geared toward male anatomy. I figured I could use some new tricks to add to my handjob repertoire. Cum to think of it (yep, couldn’t resist!) I’ve never actually had a proper handjob instruction so I don’t even know what on this list is legit and which are actually supposed to do nothing more than make me laugh as hard as I did anyway 🙂 Maybe there’s actually someone that’s seriously *into* the Squidley Diddly?

Masturbate using a squid. That’s right. That slimy purplish squid. It’ll feel just like your second skin. Pull off its head and clean its insides. Slip your cock right into the squid and start shaking till you blow your cum in it.

Mmhmm. Pretty sure that squid did not give consent… but then again neither did anything else in the supermarket (and what girl hasn’t deflowered a cucumber?). Definitely a gray area. Yep, I’m going to leave that one with you 🙂

Scroll down for a much better mental image…

~Mme X~

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Tags: artistic erotica, CT, masturbation, Portsmouth, toys

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 31st, 2012 at 9:54 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.